I mentioned it on Monday: this summer soccer season is breaking my spirit.
I am so bad.
It is so frustrating.
It's because I am in awful shape. I lost all my fitness when I tore my LCL last July and I am not even close to getting it back.
I'm a little scared that I won't. Like, maybe I slowed down just long enough to catch up with my age and I'm never going to be that speedy midfielder again. Maybe from now on, when I play soccer it will feel like I'm doing it with a refrigerator tied to my back. Maybe this is my new reality.
I have posted about my struggle to get back into shape a handful of times since I hurt my knee and, each time, I wrote about how This Was It and I'm Almost There and every damn time I was very, very wrong.
After a good nine months of this, you would think that I would have figured this out. Not yet, I'm afraid. Not yet and not close.
June was probably my best month in terms of consistently doing something and I have seen no returns. I feel gross. Everything is hard.
It's not doing much for my self-esteem.
Or for my soccer team.