Wednesday, July 01, 2015

Shapeless

I mentioned it on Monday: this summer soccer season is breaking my spirit.

I am so bad.

It is so frustrating.

It's because I am in awful shape. I lost all my fitness when I tore my LCL last July and I am not even close to getting it back.

I'm a little scared that I won't. Like, maybe I slowed down just long enough to catch up with my age and I'm never going to be that speedy midfielder again. Maybe from now on, when I play soccer it will feel like I'm doing it with a refrigerator tied to my back. Maybe this is my new reality.

I have posted about my struggle to get back into shape a handful of times since I hurt my knee and, each time, I wrote about how This Was It and I'm Almost There and every damn time I was very, very wrong.

After a good nine months of this, you would think that I would have figured this out. Not yet, I'm afraid. Not yet and not close.

June was probably my best month in terms of consistently doing something and I have seen no returns. I feel gross. Everything is hard.

It's not doing much for my self-esteem.

Or for my soccer team.

1 comments:

Lisa from Lisa's Yarns said...

Coming back to a sport after a long absence is so humbling and frustrating. And I can see how it's especially frustrating with soccer because it's not like you can start with a 'low intensity' game or short game whereas with running I could do run/walk combos and increase the intensity gradually, etc. You'll get back to feeling more fit - I promise. It just takes awhile and it's hard to be patient during that process... hang in there!!!

 
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