Monday, February 16, 2015

Flowers and Uncertainty

I saw Alexander on Friday.

He came over with a bouquet of flowers and a toy for Brady the Dog.

That was pretty sweet of him. I recognize that. And I wanted to be excited. And I wanted to melt into a puddle right there on my front porch.

I didn't.

I think about how I would have felt a year ago if The Coach was at my door with flowers and a dog toy and: it's not even close. What I felt on Friday was nowhere near where I would have been. A year ago, with The Coach, I would have been on another planet. Instead, Alexander brought me flowers and a toy for my new dog and I felt guilty more than I felt anything else. Guilty and in way over my head.

Is that all the proof that I need? Does that mean I'm wasting my time? Should I pull the plug?

I have no idea what I'm doing.

I didn't have a bad time. I don't mind being around him.

It's just... I'm so unsure. And then I add my uncertainty up with the factors that make this complicated (his age, my sister, his mom) and I feel a little bit like I'm trying to talk myself into this.

But there's nothing wrong with him.

So I'm starting to think there's something wrong with me.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

He's trying to court you. He's trying to do it right. Give him a chance. Sometimes love takes time to develop. I think the best relationships start as friendships. If you like this person enough to spend time and be friends with them, then you're not biased by infatuation.

Gloria Johnson said...

I second what Anonymous said.

JBean said...

Just give it time, feel your feelings and see what happens. And NO there's nothing wrong with you!

Anonymous said...

I totally agree take your time to start off as friends. My current bf and I, because I wanted to, took our time getting to know each other and it's really turning into something good. Just a piece if adce do not compare what you had previously with a different person. Judge from what you like about him and go from there. It could turn into something or you may realize not. Either way you gave it a fair shot. That is how I felt as well at the start of my relationship.

Anonymous said...

Nope. Trust your gut. Politely explain your reservations and move on. Life is too short. Don't settle because you are lonely.

C said...

My advice would be to not date this person. It seems like you are trying to talk yourself into liking them/being with them. I'm sort of thinking about it from his perspective - how would you feel if someone was trying to talk themselves into dating you?

There's nothing wrong with not dating anyone until you meet someone you really like. But the flip side to that is - you might be alone for a really long time. Some people would rather die then be single for a really long time. You have to decide what you really want - to be with someone (to not be alone, to have a companion) or to wait until you meet someone you really like (or are at least very intrigued with).

2 cents from a stranger! I have never posted on your site but I felt like I needed to. Being lonely sucks. Forcing something and wasting someone else's time sucks 10 times worse.

Anonymous said...

I would pursue it cautiously and give it a time limit. If you still feel this way in, say, a month or two then it's time to move on.

If this doesn't work out, maybe it would be fun to find some local cultural events to attend? It would at least be good networking for work and it would help you to meet new people.

Anonymous said...

I didn't mean my post to sound like I had zero interest in my bf just that we started off as Frieda, I enjoyed his company and my feelings keep deepening for him. I didn't have these feelings on date 1,2, or 10. It took some time and all I'm suggesting is to hang out as friends if you wish. The time limit is a good idea from the post below as well. I wish you the best. :-)

A said...

You guys are as split as I am! Which makes me feel a lot better, actually. Right now, I'm just trying to keep an open mind and give him a chance without being a time-wasting jerk. Which...it's a delicate line to walk. I guess I just have to go with my gut and keep doing what I think is right and fair. For both of us.

Anonymous said...

It's a hard situation. When my current boyfriend first asked me out, I almost said no (we had lots of mutual friends and I didn't want it to get awkward). I was still reeling from another boy situation (which was a lot like your coach situation) and I wasn't interested in falling for anyone else. I actually felt guilty for saying yes when I had no interest in him. But our first date was really nice and he was really interesting, so I kept seeing him (casually, for about 5 months!) and now we've been together for nearly 3 years and living together for 1. Being with him is so easy and fulfilling that it still surprises me. I am going to marry that man and I almost didn't even give him a chance. So I say give him a shot. You aren't going to break his heart if you casually date for a few months and decide he isn't want you want. (That is the advice my sister gave me- and I am so happy she did).
-L

Sabrina! said...

It's a sweet gesture! I think real love is made up of small but sweet moments, not Hollywood-style passion or instant love at first sight.

See where your feelings go after a few more dates. After a reasonable time, if your feelings aren't there, then it's best to let him go. But until then, I'd give it a try. He sounds nice and let's face it, nice is not so common these days.

Lisa from Lisa's Yarns said...

It's a tough call... Part of me says give him a chance, but I think a bigger part of me says to follow your gut as I think your reservations/lack of interest in him is telling you that he either isn't the guy or this isn't the time...

‎Scheherazade (the sarcastic woman) said...

I agree with Sabrina and her advice is usually spot on. I think it's hard to decide how you feel immediately and it's good that you're thinking about the matter so carefully. However, I wasn't 'bowled over' when I went on dates with my current boyfriend, even after 2 months, I wasn't sure I even liked him! But it's amazing now! :)

 
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