Monday, December 01, 2014

It Finally Happened

It was after running our annual Thanksgiving race. I was tired, sweaty, hungry, 25 hours since my last cup of coffee, walking to my car, in the middle of a conversation with my sister, carrying a bag of coney dogs and completely unprepared.

And then an unfamiliar man comes up to me and says "YOU'RE SO MIDWESTERN!"

You guys: I have never said So Midwestern aloud. I have never heard it said aloud to me.

I do not have the ability to explain, after blogging for 10 years, how shocking it was to hear that. To be in that situation. To be sweaty and exhausted and caught completely off guard.

I couldn't have handled it any less eloquently.

The entire interaction essentially consisted of me standing in the middle of the sidewalk with my mouth hanging wide open and saying "wait? What? No."

What do you do? What do you say?

Because, if you weren't aware (and apparently some weren't because otherwise I wouldn't be in this situation), my sister didn't know about my blog.

It all happened really fast and I'm not sure I really even comprehended what was happening until we were walking away (it all went down in passing) and I was still shaking my head and, I don't know, maybe I thought that I would get a "oh, sorry, wrong person" but, no. No. I am not that lucky. "YOU'RE SO MIDWESTERN!" was followed up with "I read your blog! It's awesome!" (or something like that). So, instead of being able to pass it off as mistaken identity it was...right out there.

Thanks for the compliment, though.

We kept walking to the car and my sister is saying "So Midwestern! That's a good name for a blog. Do you have a blog? You must look like someone who has a blog called So Midwestern. We should look it up. I think we should make a cooking blog, with all of our cousins..." And I am shocked to the point that I can't even speak.  

It wasn't long into our drive home that my sister is on her phone, googling my blog. I could see it out of the corner of my eye and all I could do was ask her "can you just...not read that?" She asked why and I said it was because I didn't want her to and it was old (it's seriously good that I don't have a job that requires me to think/perform on my feet because it is obvious that it is not my #1 skill) and then babbled a bunch of other shit that didn't make sense.

Upon arriving home, I made the blog private and spent the weekend trying to figure out what to do.

I still don't know.

The damage is done. What happened changed everything. This space isn't what it was and it never will be. I don't know what's next.

I do know that I have spent enough time blogging that I don't want to disappear without any notice.

I'm going to give it until the end of the year. I will make a decision. I will make changes. I will write an epic poem about my retirement from blogging. I will do something.

In the meantime, I am just going to leave it all out here in the open.

I am not ashamed. This blog was never meant to be read by certain people but I am not ashamed.
   
But something has to change. I don't have a choice. This isn't optional, even if it's breaking my heart a little bit.

I probably have no right -- I knew the risks of writing a public blog -- but I feel like something was taken from me.

It's the end of an era, my friends. 

16 comments:

Sarah KosherLobster said...

Congrats on being recognized! That's a big deal! But also... what a bummer that things have to change. I get it. I love reading you every day and hope that you'll find a happy medium instead of quitting.

If I ever see you in real life, I'm just going to high five you and not say anything :)

Anonymous said...

Oh no! Sorry to hear this! I can imagine the panic!

I looked up your blog this weekend and saw it was made private and was pretty disappointed. I may have refreshed multiple times and checked every day. haha. I assumed something like this happened...a family member found it...did not factor in you were a mini celebrity (silver linings).

Seriously, I understand the feeling that this will never be the same again. I wanted you to know I enjoyed reading about your life through the years and noting your growth. I'm a couple years behind you in the same month and sometimes felt like you were giving me a glimpse that everything will be alright.

If you do decide to leave it behind you will surely be missed. Thank You for coming back and letting us in because for you to have just disappeared would've been a bit sad.

Enough rambling from me. I hope everything goes well with your sis.

Anonymous said...

Over the years your adventures have become my morning coffee break reading at work. It's something fun to look forward to after the crazy 10:00 am staff meeting. When your blog went private, I figured someone had found it. I was more thinking it was a boy than it was Meg, though.

I felt absolutely terrible for you and hoped everything was OK. If you have to stop you will definitely be missed, but I'll understand. I hope you find some way to keep posting though.

Hope it works out with Meg somehow.

-AP

p2 said...

I am truly sorry for have done this to you. I cannot begin to apologize enough. I wish that I could have restrained myself from such an enthusiastic reaction to something appropriate.

You are a talented and skilled writer who has made an impact on others. Please do not hide that from the world because of an old fool can’t keep his mouth shut.

Danielle said...

I haven't been recognized, but I've met other bloggers and given my blog to my closest friends, and yeah, its weird at first, but then its like "who cares".

Something that always stuck with me is when Sarah wrote a post about emailing Abraham with the wrong email or tweeting him or something like that. Anyway, she said "no one is more obsessed with you than you" and I was like, sooooooo right!!

I've had guys find my Twitter through my OkCupid name (which has since been changed), and if they can find that, they can certainly find my blog... Where I most certainly called the twitter guy a psycho stalker. I'm paranoid that Miles will Google my email address and find it, but if he does, oh well.

OH WELL!! You're not a shit talker, you just recount your life, no big deal. Think of it as having another reader!

NewNew said...

Oh, no! I totally understand the need to express oneself privately and that's a hard thing to have exposed. On the other hand, I love your blog! I panicked when I saw you'd gone private. No shame - I emailed Danielle asking her to get me an invite or your email address so I could contact you.

Whatever you decide, please know that this single girl in L.A. loved and related to what you wrote and will be sad to see you go. (Also, I love hearing the little Michigan tidbits. I have family there and lived out that way for short time. I miss it often.)

Gloria Johnson said...

Glad to see you back!

boardgurl said...

I have really enjoyed reading your blog for the past several years. I too was very disappointed that it was changed to private. Please stay in the public space....your stories are so fun to read.

k said...

Yay for reaching internet celebrity status. Boo for the encounter happening in front of your sister.

I'm not sure how long I've been reading (I went in your archives to try and figure it out...) but I know it has been a long time. I love reading your stories. I'd be sad if you went away. But I understand. I hope you figure out a good solution to your dilemma.

xx k

Sabrina said...

I think I just read my worst nightmare in your entry. I can only imagine how scary/jarring it felt.

I really do hope you keep blogging... maybe under a new name and URL?

And now I'm off to check my settings....

‎Scheherazade (the sarcastic woman) said...

Sorry to hear this and that it was such a shock, but it's your blog and you are more than entitled to write what you like :)

My close friends have read mine and they know that I write it, but I would be shocked if my family were to see it (only because they don't know my real emotions and what I'm really up to/and thinking).

I like reading your blog too. It reminds me that there are people having similar experiences.

KSR said...

Glad you are back - I too looked several times over the weekend and suspected something had happened. I really enjoy reading your blog and hope you will find that happy medium that works for you!

Elliott said...

Sorry that happened. Like the others have said, I understand if you take your blog down, but I will be sad not to be able to read your stories.

Lisa from Lisa's Yarns said...

Ay yi yi! I can not even imagine what it would be like to have that happen... Dang. I mean, it's pretty crazy to be recognized, but it's tough to lose the anonymity of this space. :( I hope you figure out a way to keep it going as I'll miss your posts... Some of my family reads mine so I know what it's like to have to sort of filter things...

Shannon said...

What a terrible way to be outted. I know there is no true privacy anymore, but that's an unfortunate way to have something shared with those you'd rather it not be shared with. I do hope you keep writing. Maybe make it private and write for those of us who read, and have been reading, for the right reasons all along?

Anonymous said...

Oh man, that's rough. I, like everyone else here, felt a rush of disappointment when I saw that the blog had been set to private, although I figured you had done it out of a fear of being "dooced" or something, and didn't suspect the real reason. I am not sure how long I've been following, but I'd say minimum 6 years at least. It's always a delight to see when you have a new entry.

I completely understand if you feel the need to go private, but man... I'd miss reading your stories. I'm with Shannon, if you continue blogging privately, I'd love to be granted permission to keep reading. Maybe do a "last call" if you decide to move private, so all the faithful readers can get put on allowed readers list?

You rock, chica!

-Another Michigander

 
Blog Template by Delicious Design Studio