Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Still not amused

I told my mom that I wasn't interested in her friend's son.

And then, somehow, the message didn't quite get passed along to him and then he requested my friendship on Facebook. Such a bold and romantic gesture. I changed my mind about him immediately.


That is a lie.

I pretended that I didn't see the friend request and ignored it for several days.

Until my mom dropped some hint like "Tess said that her son texted her, freaking out because he friended you four days ago and you haven't responded."

I told her that I forgot and then I contemplated the middle school weirdness that was discussing Facebook friend requests with my mother (who doesn't even have a Facebook account, mostly because that's what my dad used to find himself a girlfriend four years ago) in relation to a grown man who was texting his mom -- at work, she was at work -- about a Facebook friend request that had yet to be confirmed.

For fuck's sake. This is the stupidest thing I have ever been involved in and that's saying a lot for a girl who was, uh, whatever for years with a guy who didn't even like her and lived halfway across the country for 80% of the year.

I confirmed the friend request even though I am not his friend (yes, I do realize that this is not a requirement of Facebook friends) nor am I certain that I have ever actually met him (ditto). I confirmed the friend request to be nice. A pity click. Creep through my pictures and leave me alone.

Being left alone was obviously too much to ask for because, 24 hours ago, he sent me a message.

I couldn't tell you what it says because I haven't read it. Because then I will have to respond.

I don't want to go out with him. I don't want to be mean. I don't want to go on a pity date. I don't want to lead him on. I don't want my mom to look bad. I don't want his mom to think poorly of me thinking poorly of her son. I don't want to do what I don't want to do.

It's so very hard being such a mature and evolved grown ass lady.


Anonymous said...

i really, really wish we could read facebook messages without them showing up as being "read." so annoying. and also, how high school is that whole situation? i'm only hoping that it got exaggerated between the moms? maybe his mom asked about him contacting you and that was his defense? here's hoping.

bluemoon said...

Ugh, unfortunately your mom has put you into a super awkward position. I would not be happy. :o I'd probably ignore the message as well, though I know that's not the grown up thing to do. I'm sure the grown up thing to do is to reply briefly and wrap up with something like "Take care!". Ha! I feel like that is a subtle way of shutting down communication, but men often aren't cognizant of subtle...

ALYS said...

Eurgh, you have my sympathy and empathy. My mum and her gaggle of friends have been insistent on setting me up with their sons in recent years. My Mum is Asian, so she has this fixated idea that I will date and therefore marry whoever I date, and he HAS to be Asian (even if he is in no way compatible, as long as he is the same ethnicity, that spells a happy relationship, in her view). It's really hard to be a grown up and tell someone you love that you don't want to do this, in a manner that they will understand without hurting them though! I've actually been on a couple of those dates, and those guys were AWFUL!

It's as you said, you don't want your Mum to look bad, or for it to reflect badly with her friends, but equally you don't want to go on a pity date... It's a tough decision, which I'm sure you'll do what's right for you and the situation.

I hate that you were pressured into Facebook friending him too! Why should he be allowed to have a creep on your photos anyway? And then to message you etc. I would probably read the message anyway, even if it said 'read' and delete it, and then him!

Accidentally Me said...

Well, you have to read it at some point:-)

Just tell me when you are going to do it, then email me the text. That way I will know it is coming and I will be ready to give you a quick response. You can trust that I will take care of you on this, right?

Anonymous said...


I would shut this whole thing down hard, now. Unfriend the guy, who sounds more and more like a creep. Tell you mother that the fact that he's leveraging his mother's relationship with your mom and your relationship with your mom is not appropriate and not a game you're going to play. He sounds like a jerk.

And if his mother doesn't like that, too bad: it's her and her son who aren't respecting boundaries and clear not-interested signals. They both need to learn how and when to back off.

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