Monday, October 06, 2014

Reset

Whatever my problem was on Friday, it kicked my ass well into Saturday. 

After work, I went to the grocery store to pick up ingredients to make my contributions to dinner after Yom Kippur, and then I went home and almost immediately went to bed. Why continue to struggle? I watched a few episodes of New Girl, my latest television project, and went to bed. I was done.

Until about 2:00 am when I woke up with an achy knee. This is what I have been reduced to: someone who wakes up with a weather-related achy knee. Awesome. Three hours and an episode of New Girl later, I got back to sleep.

As a result, I slept ridiculously late. Then I spent the rest of my Saturday trying to be easy on myself.

Being easy on myself meant spending the day mostly alone. After stopping by Lucy's house for an hour, I made a batch of applesauce and prepped for dinner and cleaned up at home and let myself feel as blah as I felt like feeling.

I felt very blah.

But maybe there's something to just going with it. Instead of struggling against it and beating myself up for feeling so out of sorts in a week where so many had been so kind, I just gave in and, by the time the sun was setting on Saturday, I felt like I had reset my panic button. I felt better.

Not great. I still don't feel great. But I feel human, which is more that I can say for Friday and half of Saturday, where I was less human and more a mound of flesh on the verge of tears. (That sounds so dramatic. I promise I'm not on the edge of a nervous breakdown.)

I spent Saturday night, where I felt tender but no longer bruised, with Lucy and her family. We broke the Yom Kippur fast. After dinner and getting the boys in bed, Lucy and I went out for a late movie: Gone Girl. It was unexpectedly good. I loved it nearly as much as I loved escaping real life for 2 hours and 20 minutes. 

With the blessing of my physical therapist, I made my return to soccer on Sunday morning. It went okay. My knee mostly cooperated. I had lunch with my mom. I saw Lucy and the boys again. We took them to see the fire trucks at a nearby station's open house. I had dinner at their house. I considered blogging but, in preparation for blogging, I started analyzing the last week and it wasn't doing anything for my state of mind. I went to bed early instead.

I'm just riding this out.

Sleeping helps. 

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