Friday, October 31, 2014

About my lack of amusement

I kind of half-assed that last post, writing out only part of the story. Making me out to be more of a lunatic than I actually am. Typical. Were you confused? Sorry. I am a bit confused myself.

Yes, it was nothing. Nothing really worth being offended, nothing worth a second thought. 

But I am currently super sensitive about all of things relating to guys/dating/weddings/relationships/couple Halloween costumes/tandem bicycles. So I hated it.

Here's why I hated it.

I hated that my mom was suggesting that particular guy. I won't get into the long list of reasons that wasn't ever going to work but I know a good deal about the dude. It wasn't ever going to work. And it isn't like my mom doesn't know his history. She does. And it felt like a suggestion that I finally just settle.

And I hated that it reminded me of a truth that sits just beneath the surface every damn day: which is that my mom has always wanted certain things for me (an education, a career, a husband, a baby or two) and I have always been good about accomplishing those things my mom wanted for me. Except for this. I suck at this.

I need to write more about why I suck at this. About the eHarmony experiment. About why I'm so hard on myself. About why this all just makes me cry. 

But I thought I should clear up that that last post first. I took a shortcut and blamed my mother when, really, the problem is me.

So, there. The background I should have given on Wednesday.

More about this later. Eventually. When I can drum up the energy. Don't hold your breath.


Lisa from Lisa's Yarns said...

I wouldn't blame yourself too much... It's tough to be the daughter who is single at an older age than her parents thought she would be. I know this because I have the same problem. I love my parents and I know they don't want me to rush into marriage but sometimes it feels like they are pushing me to make a decision/get married because I know they also want to see me happily married with kids... But there are some things you can't control and your marital status is one of them in my opinion... Hang in there, lady... I can relate.

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