Thursday, September 04, 2014

A Happy Medium

I kicked and screamed my way into eHarmonizing. There is no denying that.

For the first week, I winced every time I got an email (far, far too many emails) and I held my breath every time I logged in. At some point, my fear and horror wore off enough that I could do the dance (and by dance I mean answering so many lame questions so many times over) without breaking into hives. It got easier. I came to terms with the fact that I gave these suckers three of membership money, so I might as well give it a try.

Earlier this week, I found myself wondering when I would hear back from any one of the random dudes who make their way to my inbox. Worrying if I replied too fast or at the wrong time of the day. Fretting about if I wouldn't hear from them. Worrying about saying the wrong thing. Caring.

Nonsense.

That's what I decided yesterday. (While listening to Taylor Swift, OBVIOUSLY) That this brief stint where I found myself actually caring was complete nonsense.

Fuck these dudes. I mean that in the nicest possible way. F 'em.

That isn't to say that they'll never be someone I give two shits about but, right here and right now: no. My postal carrier is more important to me and I don't even know my postal carrier's name or gender or what time he/she delivers my mail.

Here's what these random dudes and their actions or their lack of actions or general thoughts on me mean at this point: nothing.

If I can't make that my default mode of thinking, I can't do this. I like to be liked. I really, really do. But I cannot let myself care if a dude who is essentially a screen name thinks I'm cute/witty/adorable/meek/charming/interesting/fun/feminine/independent/blonde enough for him. If I do that, this game is going to eat me alive.

So that's where I'm at with this whole online dating experiment. I haven't progressed far enough that I'm meeting anyone. And I'm trying to figure out the happy medium between disinterest and caring too much.

3 comments:

Accidentally Me said...

You don't need to care until someone makes you want to meet him! For now, we can just make fun of their weird hobbies, strange eyes, age lies and bizarre choice of photographs:-)

Lisa from Lisa's Yarns said...

When I was online dating, I tended to fall more into the indifferent category. I pretty much went into most dates with low expectations, expecting there to not be a match. I know that some might think that is negative but to me, it felt realistic. Dating is so gosh darn exhausting, it's no wonder you feel the way you do. But I do hope you meet someone and they surprise you - in a good way.

Danielle said...

Yeah, those people don't mean anything to you now, so who gives a shit if you are this or that to them.

So, go and listen to Beyoncé, I'm going to prescribe the following songs: "***Flawless", "Flawless Remix Ft Nicki Minaj", "Best Thing I Never Had", "Run the World (Girls)" and "Irreplaceable"

Then listen to these:
Robyn "Dancing on my own"
Natalia Kills "Problem"
Madonna "Hung Up"

Just some suggestions.

 
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