Thursday, July 17, 2014

Paranoid

One of my all-time greatest fears is blowing out my knee. Knee injuries, specifically ACL tears, are really common in female soccer players and I've played a lot of soccer in the last 25 years.

The fear didn't come from a rational place. My knees have been, for the most part, perfectly fine. My ankles are a mess and my back has always been an issue but my knees have been reliable. I appreciate them for that.

I like my knees and I like that they work. I don't like the idea of surgery. Or not being able to work out. Or a big, bulky, hinged brace. So I'm paranoid.

A year or two ago, I was vocalizing my irrational fear of tearing a ligament in one of my knees and my sister, who is a physical therapist, shushed me. "If you were going to blow out your knee, you would have done it already." That was a comforting piece of information. I was still scared of knee injuries but less paralyzed by the fear. I had always assumed that, because I am a female and because I am a soccer player, it would only be a matter of time; now I could focus my fears on a random misfortune. It could still happen, but it wasn't guaranteed. Not an accident waiting to happen. Just an injury as a result of a bad turn or an unlucky collision or just plain shitty luck.

So guess what happened in my soccer game yesterday?

An unlucky collision and shitty luck.

I don't know what I did, exactly, but I did something. I got my knee tangled up with another girl's knee and I heard a pop and, yeah, I don't think that this is good. I don't know that it's bad. I could just be paranoid. Meg is very nonchalant about the whole thing. "Probably your MCL. You could see a doctor to find out if it's torn. But that doesn't even matter if you're not planning on getting surgery."

It hasn't even been 24 hours. I hope I'm just being wimpy/nervous/hypersensitive. A small injury would be okay. I can deal with that. I can rehab that. But surgery? I can't do surgery. I can't be out that long. I can't do that.

Like I said: wimpy/nervous/hypersensitive.

And giving it some time to determine if making a doctor's appointment is necessary.

Dragging my leg along behind me in the meantime.

4 comments:

Danielle said...

I would make a doctors appointment. I've been dealing with knee issues for the last month and a half and was just now able to get an MRI. Personally, I would rather know, especially since I am very paranoid about things. Keep it iced and elevated until then!

Kari said...

Make the Dr's appointment....you will sleep better knowing (and not wondering what if).

k said...

I tore my MCL a few years ago (slipped on a rock while hiking). It was a partial tear so they said it would heal on its own. The doc said it was very rare to do surgery for an MCL tear. I didn't have to wear anything like a brace for it, and then just started physical therapy (mainly just knee and quad strengthening) a month later because I was feeling restless and wanted to get moving sooner rather than later.

Totally sucky, but if that is what is wrong, it is something you'll manage through. It took about 6 weeks to get the ok from the physical therapist to do an easy run on it.

Hugs!

A said...

Thanks, girls. I made the appointment (August 14th! The price of having a fancy-pants doctor is that you can never get in to see 'em.) and, um, also made plans to play soccer tomorrow. With a brace. Just to try.

 
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