Friday, March 28, 2014

Housing Crisis, Part 8

The next day, my mom was at it again. This time in front of my cousin Emma and my sister, Meg.

Do you want a house? I want a shorter commute.

But you were looking at renting houses. Because I don't want to live in an apartment.

What about a condo. I will rent a condo. I don't want to own a condo.
I was on the defensive. No eye contact. Short answers. I'm not used to feeling like that around my mother.

Probably because I'm used to just going along with her plan for me. Probably because I am 31 and have basically never deviated from that plan.
Seriously. The closest I think I've ever come to doing so was when I considered going to law school for, like, 10 minutes until she quite nearly vomited when I mentioned it to her.

Then why did you get preapproved for a mortgage? Because after my father said that he would buy a house, all of a sudden there was a lender on the phone and what the fuck was I supposed to do?

Your father isn't pushing you into this. You're a big girl and you can make your own damn decisions.

I didn't agree and I didn't argue. 

I went home and cried that night, too.
I don't do pressure very well. And I hate disappointing my parents. 


Gary said...

Ownership thoughts:
It doesn't matter if it's "cheaper" it's all sorts of upkeep and then you have to sell it if you want to move (not fun).

That's just my opinion.

Trapped owning:
There was a point where I wanted to move 5 years ago and I couldn't sell and I can't tell you how many times I've thought beck to that day and wondered where my life would have taken me if I hadn't stayed. Just because I wasn't renting... It's one of the very few turning points in my life where I wonder "What if I had....?"

Tell them to buy the house and you'll rent from them! Okay, maybe that sounds a little bratty, but maybe it'll give them some perspective. (It's not the same in tax breaks but).

Finance thoughts:
IF you do buy, shop around for mortgage rates, don't just use the one mortgage guy (if you're approvable for one, you're likely good for others too!). And eighth of a percent (0.125%) doesn't seem like much of a difference but it really really adds up. Many people don't check it out., I looked in the paper and then called a half-dozen places and one was significantly better than the others. And if you don't have 20% to put down, get two smaller loans so you don't pay that nasty PMI insurance (it's pretty much you paying insurance to insure the bank that you won't default).

I bring the two finance thoughts (tips?) up, because if you cave on this and you're upset you're doing it you're not not going to be thinking about these things.

Don't do it if you're not ready:
But please, don't buy if you really don't want to. If you buy and you're not ready and you're not happy about it, it's what you're going to be crying about for the next 30 years.

Gloria said...

Gary brings up some interesting ideas on financing that even I have never thought of and I thought I had figured out every money angle.
Just wanted to mention that I'm considerably older than you and I still hate disappointing my parents. It never ends does it? Best of luck deciding what is best for you!

Sabrina said...

((Hugs)) I'm 31 and I too hate disappointing my parents. I'm slowly learning to set boundaries, but it's not an overnight task.

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