Friday, March 14, 2014

Housing Crisis, part 5

When we last left off with this endless tale, I had decided that I was going to rent. My parents knew, I started looking at rentals and I was at peace with that decision.

I asked my father if he would look at a few houses with me one weekend and he agreed. As it turned out, both appointments fell through. As I am telling my father this, he interrupts me with "I think I should just buy you a house. I talked about it with your mother and she agrees."

Um, okay.

"Well, if that's what you want to do," I told my dad. "But that means it's your problem, too, if I relocate or something."

That was how renting got pushed aside once again. I stop looking for rentals and find myself back  looking at houses. To find a house that I would be making the mortgage payment on but won't really own. Weird.

It just feels like the whole thing is going to take forever and I just want to move out of Liz's house. I had made a decision on how I was going to go about achieving my goal of moving out of Liz's house. And suddenly I find myself practically back to where I started. Why is this so difficult?

But who in their right mind complains about the inconvenience of having a house purchased for them? I kept my mouth shut.

My dad called me one afternoon later that same week. "I need you to get in touch with so-and-so," he says, giving me the name and number of his mortgage broker. "You need to get him some information so we can get you a mortgage."


I blinked back tears and told him I would call the guy later.

Apparently the choice to buy a house was being made for me.

It didn't feel very good. 


Big Beauty Judy said...

Wait, how did your dad wanting to buy you a house turn into you having to secure a mortgage for a house? WTF? That sucks and I'm sorry you have to deal with that. Boo! :-(

doahleigh said...

So wait, are you going with this? Are you buying a house yourself now? Feels like you got bamboozled into this. Make sure it's what you really want before you sign anything!

Good luck, and I'm sorry it's been so stressful.

Anonymous said...

Based on your last post on this topic, it sounds like you specifically don't want to own a house at this time in your life. From the way you wrote this current post, it sounds like all this new stuff went down in the past and you're already several steps further along in the process.

If that's not the case... if you were my friend, I would be telling you to not call the mortgage guy and to tell your father that you're looking at rentals, period. And that if your father came back with the notion of his paying for a house again, you should say "no thanks."

The thing is, what he's doing seems like a major manipulation, and I don't think it's right to push someone like that. Not when it's a big life decision, and a house is a big life decision. You already know what feels right to you, and you're saying that home ownership feels wrong. If you were saying things that made it sound like you felt good about owning a house right now, I might react differently... but with the page you're on? Find a rental you like and be happy.

Kari said...

Send me your dad's email -- I will explain to him that you have said no and what no really means...nicely I promise:)

Ally said...

They are probably pushing because they don't understand the reasons why you are reluctant to buy very well (not knowing about the Coach situation or why you want to leave where you are). They are parents and that's just their nature. Even after I bought my house, my parents had opinions about everything from what trees I should get taken down to whether granite was really a good investment. I finally had to tell them, nicely, that I appreciated their input but that in some things I just had to go with my gut and learn from my own mistakes. (As a long time reader, that sentiment sounds familiar. ;) )

I'm completely agreeing with Anonymous here. Buying a house is not something you should do if you don't feel ready.

If I were giving my little sister advice, this is what I would say. Explain as best you can why you want to leave where you are. Emphasize to them that you want to make a change soon, very soon, and that you don't want to feel rushed into deciding which house you want to buy. Tell them you have decided it's better if you rent a year and then make an informed decision as to what you want to do long term.

Also, as for looking at rentals... to me the hardest part was always figuring out whether the neighborhood was a place I wanted to live. After that, it's pretty much a case of making a list of your priorities and just going for it. If you end up missing something, your lease is only for a year. Rental hunting alone is definitely doable. In fact, it may be easier to do so. The good places tend to go fast, and if you have to wait until the weekend or for yours and your Dad's schedule to mesh it's going to be a challenge. Here's a checklist to get you started. :) (It's from Scotland so some of the stuff isn't relevant, but the basics are there.)

Hoping this gets resolved in a way that brings you peace.

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