Wednesday, January 15, 2014

That Girl

I never fancied myself the envious, bitter, single girl but maybe I've been fooling myself.

My cousin Anna got engaged at Christmastime and I have been nothing but bitchy about the whole process. I swear that I'm just mostly grossed out by her behavior but I am secretly afraid that I am subconsciously raging because this isn't my wedding and I don't have a diamond or a reason to expect that my neighbor will buy me a Kitchen Aid mixer. Not cool.

Anna is just one of those girls who has placed getting married (to anyone, I'm not sure that the groom is anything but a detail, though the one she snagged is quite lovely) above all achievements and accomplishments. It's basically been her number one goal for years now and whenever I see a girl like that, family member or not, it makes me a little nauseated.

She was pretty obnoxious waiting out the proposal. Even after they set a date and booked a venue. And she bought a dress. Like, this is probably happening so maybe settle down a little bit? Maybe I'm just no fun and don't appreciate a good opportunity to stress about an imminent milestone event. Like I said, I'm being a little bitchy about all of this.

But what's bothering me the most is how much she's using our aunt for this wedding. Yes, our Aunt Louise wants to help and she loves to plan a good party and, yes, Aunt Louise has offered to pay for this and that. Anna has had nothing to do with Aunt Louise for years and I'm just finding it hard to ignore that they're the best of friends now that it is getting Anna the wedding she wants. It's between them, certainly. I just think it's gross.

I'm disgusted with myself for not being more enchanted and overjoyed by Anna's forthcoming nuptials. It's not my finest moment. I should be more excited. I never really pegged myself as the jealous singleton. Perhaps I've just been fooling myself.


Accidentally Me said...

No way man, Anna's been crazy about this for a while! You're right to think it bizarre.

That said, I wouldn't worry about your Aunt. She is a big girl, she makes her own decisions and is doing this for her own reasons. If Anna is using her, she is aware of it and doesn't care because she is getting just as much out of it.

Also, it saves you from having to hear a three hour diatribe about china patterns!

Readyandfading said...

Your feelings are totally justified. As a wedding planner, I see this kind of gal all too often. The ME ME ME ME type. Not just that a wedding defines her, but that she will do whatever it takes to have what she feels she is entitled to have. All to often, innocent family and friends get beyond taken advantage of. Rest assured, there is no happiness in approaching a big life event greedy. It just doesn't bring the kind of love and joy to a wedding. At the end of the day that makes people unexcited about the event which results in bad energy all around. The brides I get the most jealous of are the kind and appreciative ones. They are the ones that truly have it all.

Anonymous said...

wait...she set a date, got her dress, booked her venue, DIDNDT HAVE A PROPOSAL!? no, you arent being envious or bitter. you are being you. as a fellow romantic, it feels like it cheapens it for us when a wedding becomes merely an "event" or a "milestone" (especially when seems more like a mutually beneficial, convenient, business deal). Perhaps you aren't jealous of her engagement, but you're upset that she's getting something that you don't feel that she deserves, based on your own standards of what marriage and love are and mean to you. Your ideals are perfect for you, just as Anna's are for her. Lucky for you, love and marriage are more matters of the heart, than the mind. Well, maybe...I think I'm more like you than Anna here, so perhaps I'm projecting ;)

Sabrina said...

Don't be disgusted with yourself, you are entitled to your feelings. I too get annoyed when I shouldn't with new happyily engaged couples who seem to flaunt it everywhere (Facebook is the worst).

But clearly there's a deeper family issue here with your aunt, so it's understandable that you're feeling a bit bitter.

Heather said...

my brother was with his now-wife a solid 8yrs before he proposed. we knew it was coming. it was all i could do to be gracious and nice during the entire process. it wasn't that i found out via facebook (immediate family deserves a phone call, i think), it wasn't that every time anyone said anything that wasn't about the wedding that she immediately changed the topic to the wedding, it wasn't that i wasn't asked to be in the bridal party while she complained she didn't have enough female friends for bridesmaids, and it wasn't that until i pitched a fit christmas 2012 that we finally stopped fucking talking about the fucking wedding (almost 21 full months at that point - 18 engagement ones, then 3 post-wedding rehashing), but i still can't stand her. i was fine when she was a girlfriend. but now, now that she's changed her last name, she's putting on these...airs. it makes me insane. and i don't think it's because the closest thing i have to a long-lasting relationship at the moment is the way i've been eyeing some benedict cumberbatch gifs, but it's maddening. i don't think i'm very jealous of her, specifically. but i wish this would stop.

my cousin sounds very much like the way you describe anna. she was sprinting down the aisle since 23 with any dude that had her eye at the time, and this one that finally let her get all the way to the end is a great guy, but she was going on and on and on last Fourth about how ohmygaaawd she was a 30yr old bride and that's just awwwwwwwwwwwwwful and i was just like, um, you were 29 and also i am 33 with no prospects, so if marrying before 30 is the Most Important Thing, what does that say about me? she suggested i get more cats.

my point is: weddings suck. not the prettying up (i love that part), but all the politics suck. the attitudes about them are just.. ugh. you're not a jealous singleton. you're allowed to not be overjoyed at seeing an aunt get used (basically, it sounds like) and you're allowed to be however you want to be about her getting married, be it upset that she was first (my brother is younger than me. it took awhile for me to admit that i felt i should be "first" because i am older) or mad she got what she's been rushing towards (i was with my cousin; she's pretty obnoxious most of the time) or sad because WHEN WILL IT BE MY TURN (hi, i am here. would you like a coffee? tea?). the way i deal with it is mostly immature- i pretend my SIL doesn't exist for the most part. i only see Cousin at family things where she is mostly always very wined-up (this is not by design), and i take solace in the fact that just because i am not sprinting down the aisle any time soon, i'm still living a rich life full of awesome experiences, experiences that i mightn't have if i was married with a mortgage. (though i want the mortgage, but that will come in time) in the mean time, i will enjoy kissing different frogs, because it gives me all kinds of interesting Can You Even Believe This Happened first-date horror stories. it's not the same as Bro's or Cousin's, but my life is pretty awesome as it is, and some day, i'll hand-select a dude that can handle the awesomeness. until then, adventure awaits!

(summation: you have a pretty awesome, full life. you have a great job that makes you happier than past ones, despite weeks full of mud, you've got two little baby boys who you get to smother with love but you still get to sleep through the night, and your family seems pretty great, too. from what you write, it seems you're living the best life. so it's missing a ring and a husband. so what? they'll come in time. not having them now doesn't diminish you in any way. don't waste the energy on jealousy. there are so many better things to spend it on. like finding the perfect dress/shoe combination for dancing the wedding away.)

A said...

You guys! You guys are great. I'm totally behind on commenting but I was feeling like a LUNATIC about Anna's wedding and...I felt a lot less crazy about it after reading all of your comments.

I would have to write a novel to explain where all of it is coming from (there's stuff with my aunt that goes way back; stuff with Anna that does, too. I might be a little too much like my mom than I would like to admit. Etc, etc, etc.) but I don't have the energy and, really, it doesn't matter. I hope you guys don't mind a selfie fashion show because I'm just going to worry about my dress. Priorities.

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