Monday, November 11, 2013

Thinkin' about

For a Monday -- a Monday where I felt like I was the only person who had to work -- the day went by quickly. Blissfully quickly.

I suppose it was because I had a lot to think about.

I've had more than a few things on my mind.

Headaches: I've been feeling a lot better except on bloody Sundays which should be the best day and instead have been hampered by headaches. When did I last not have a Sunday headache? September?

Brazil: I could not be more on the fence about this summer's trip to Brazil to see World Cup soccer. Last Monday, I was ready to pull the plug on the trip. This morning, I got up at 5:45 am and bought more game tickets and updated our travel blog. 

The Coach: I understand him better than I used to understand him which makes me understand him even less.

The Coach's Job: It's going well and I am happy for him. I am also selfish and scared that his job is going too well and that he will never want to leave. Or well but not quite well enough so that he won't feel like he's accomplished enough and won't want to leave. Mostly I am scared that this job isn't as temporary as it felt even four months ago.  

The Coach's Holiday Plans: Aren't the same luxuriously lengthy visit home as they have been in the past and I am resigned to this fact. (I've known for over a year that this would be the case but it still sucks.) Thanksgiving is a possibility but not a strong possibility. 

The Coach Sucks At Planning: This is nothing new. 

The Coach's Job Is His Life: This is also nothing new. 

Ashley: My disappearing friend Ashley has been on my mind a lot lately. I guess I just miss her. We had so much fun when we worked for the same company and our lives were so similar. And then she left her job and moved to North Carolina and we kept in touch. But then she got the boyfriend and the boyfriend moved in with her and now we're Facebook friends. I know that this is what happens with friendships -- they aren't all for life (especially, it seems, ones that start at work) -- but I had always thought that ours had more to it.

Aunt Marie: Or, rather, Aunt Marie's ashes (to me, it doesn't feel like her ashes are truly representative of her) are back at her house. My uncle picked her up yesterday.

My grandma called my mother last week and said "so, I hear Marie is visiting."

Laughing at the absurdity of this situation is permitted and encouraged.

Running: 22 days ago I ran 13.1 miles. Today I ran 3 and that was plenty.

Control: Turns out that my job more than fills my control quota. I used to like doing everything for everyone. I told myself that I was being generous but I was being controlling. If you do it all, you do it all exactly how you want to do it.

Not so much anymore. When I am away from work, I am done. Done. I don't want to make dinner reservations. I don't want to coordinate the family Christmas gift exchange. And I sure as hell don't want to run my soccer team. (Although I am.) I will show up when you tell me to show up, but I would really like you to tell me when to show up. I'm getting my fill of being the boss, thankyouverymuch.

Blogging: I've been better, haven't I? Nothing is turning out quite how I want it. I am glad that I am still writing but I am not enamored with what I am writing. My stories feel forced. My thoughts are scattered. I have been a better blogger. But blogging, for me, is very cyclical. It will get easier. And way less bad.  


Kari said...

Have you tried going to yoga on Sunday? I think Sunday headaches might be related to work on Monday?
At least you/your family aren't taking Aunt Marie on outings..or moving her so she can "see" the TV (yes someone I know does this....the urn is often at the dinner table in that house...)
Now that you have committed yourself to going to Brazil -- time to start figuring out how to make it a truly fun vacation for you (ie making sure you do what you want to do, not just what the others want to do).

A said...

I haven't gone to yoga on Sunday and it's a brilliant idea! Thank you! I have the time on Sundays now (no more Sunday soccer until the springtime) and I need to get back into taking yoga more regularly. You are such a smartie.

We're very rude and did not invite Aunt Marie to dinner or take her shopping during her vacation to my mom's house. (I don't think I even touched the urn, to be honest.)

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