Thursday, November 21, 2013

One at a Time

My new job takes up significantly more mental real estate than my last job did.

It is not a problem. I had my years of a job with little responsibility other than to make my contribution to the whole. And now I'm the one holding the whole together. While trying to figure out how the whole should look.

I like it a little more every day.

But I definitely have less in me for other things.

In some ways -- in most ways -- it's good. I'm not bored. I feel challenged. I don't have the time or the mental space to worry about pointless shit.

In other ways, I'm frustrated. Because I've always filled my life up to the very top and my job takes up more volume and things are spilling over and I can only attend to one at a time. I can only do so much. I can only be in one place.

But I want to run my soccer team. And I want to be a good blogger. And I want to be the boss who brings in muffins on a random Tuesday. I want to take yoga. I want to read more. I want time to myself.

Recognizing my own limitations has been one of the hardest parts of the transition to this new job. I have not enjoyed revising my expectations. I liked doing it all. I wanted to do it all.

I still want to do it all.

I just can't do it all at once.

For example: my trip to Brazil. It was one big, nagging decision that had been simmering for months. I didn't want to deal with it. So I did not. When the timeline dictated that I absolutely had to, I booked the trip. And felt immediately lighter. One less place for me to be. One less decision taking up space in my head.

With the Brazil trip out of my mind, it cleared up space to think about other stuff that was taking up headspace, unproductively, because I couldn't address it all simultaneously. Namely the mortgage pre-approval that I need to get so that I can go shopping for the house that I need to buy so that I can make that move that I need to prioritize and just get done with already.

I also need to decide what I want to buy and where I want to buy it.

See? There I go. Getting ahead of myself. Again.

One thing at a time.

1 comments:

Sabrina said...

Yay Brazil! The visa process is a pain, I'd recommend getting an early start, but so worth it! And I bet it'll be so cool to be there for a huge international event.

 
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