Tuesday, October 08, 2013

The game of life

Lucy recently sent me a simple, sweet thank you.

She was sending out thank you notes for all of the new baby gifts they had received but my thank you wasn't for anything specific. Just one of those nice, thoughtful thank you cards that reminds you of why you bother to write your own thank you cards.



I have looked at that last line, "we can't wait to return the favor," a dozen times over.

I often feel silly, being so far behind Lucy in the game of life. I look at what she has and I compare it to what I have and I can't help but feel like I've done something terribly wrong. I don't have my own doting husband. Or my own wild toddler. Or my own cuddly infant.

I wouldn't describe my feelings as jealousy. I am genuinely happy for Lucy. She deserves every bit of joy and love that she has in her life. But I am a little confused. How did she get there and I stayed here? What did I do wrong?

I should just be patient. It has been a lifelong pattern that most major milestones take me longer to achieve. I was riding with training wheels long after my classmates had taken them off of their bikes. I was too tiny for the juniors department when my friends started shopping at 5-7-9. Eventually, I rode my bike without training wheels. Eventually, I could fit into the cheap, trendy, hideous clothes that all of the other girls in middle school were wearing.

Eventually, I'll catch up to Lucy.

Sometimes, I remind myself that the staggered nature of our lives might have preserved our friendship. If I were also jugging an infant and a headstrong toddler, how could we ever manage to have lunch out? If I had a husband at home, would I be spending my Friday nights binging on brownies and television shows in Lucy's living room?

Lucy's life is crazy right now and, eventually, it will settle down. Whether or not mine will take on that same loveable chaos that is a house full of young children and an imperfectly perfect husband is anyone's guess.

I hope so.

I hope she has the chance to return the favor.

Because this side of the coin is wonderfully rewarding, too.

3 comments:

JBean said...

You've just voiced my EXACT thoughts at the moment! I was even contemplating a blog post along the same lines! I'm 34 and literally ALL of my friends are already married with kids and here I am - single as can be! I wonder all the time how I ended up this far behind!

Accidentally Me said...

I reject the notion that getting married and having kids is somehow an accomplishment. You do it because you happen to meet the right person to make you want to do all of that, but it's not something you accomplish. This isn't 1950, and the highest purpose of a woman's life isn't to "land a husband".

These aren't goals, they are just wishes that come true at different times for different people. Getting degrees, getting jobs, building things, creating things...those are accomplishments.

Think of it this way...if you really want to be a lawyer, you study hard, go to law school and pass the bar. That is an accomplishment.

If you really want to be married and have kids, you...what...date harder? Lower your standards? Sleep with more people?

(Wait...as an aside...if thinking the opposite of this will get you to join Match, then please ignore this entire comment).

So yes, you can recognize that Lucy met someone who she felt comfortable doing all of these things with. But that doesn't mean that she achieved something you haven't. It just means that her life has gone in a little different way.

And I can promise you that she spends as much time being jealous of your free time, sound sleep, freedom and lack of stretch marks as you spend being jealous of her family!!!

The grass is always greener!!!

Mummy Dearest said...

There's an old saying: slow and steady wins the race.

 
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