Thursday, October 24, 2013

Secret Single Behavior

I live with my cousin (slash very good friend), Liz. 

Liz is on vacation this week in Mexico with her mom, her dad and her sister (who just got back from three weeks in Greece and is unemployed and where do I sign up for that life?).

Also my sister, who they invited along.

I wasn't invited.

I am a little bitter. And a little conflicted about being bitter. Because I'm 31 and I could be investing my energy into many more important things than caring about an invitation that I did not receive.

But that isn't what this post is about. This post is about all of the weird and random things I do when Liz is traveling.

When Liz is gone, I binge on Indian food. Liz is totally that person who always has 19 scented candles lit and some sort of scent-generating mechanism plugged into every outlet and I never eat Indian food when she's around because I don't want to hear her bitch about how the smell is interfering with her coconut margarita candles. Curry party!

If she's gone, I always watch more TV. Liz is sort of the queen of television. She watches so many shows. Most of them really bad. I rarely join her in front of the television (I don't have a TV in my bedroom by choice -- odd?) but when she's gone I'll flop down on the couch and see what's on that isn't a Real Housewives episode.

Liz is a very tidy person, as am I, but I let tidiness fall by the wayside when Liz is gone. Yes, I will take a seven day vacation from hanging my coat in the closet and, yes, I will like it. 

If Liz is traveling, I make it a priority to bake something messy and half-ass the cleanup. Sure, eventually, I'll get up all of those sprinkles. But it feels so good to leave them on the counter for an extended period of time just because I can without feeling the slightest bit guilty about it.

When Liz is gone, I always sleep with my bedroom door open. Do normal people who live alone close their bedroom doors when they go to sleep? I never have. It's mostly because I am lazy.

When Liz is gone, I am forever chasing her dog around the house like a lunatic because I feel like the dog doesn't get enough exercise and I feel like it's my responsibility to get her more exercise if I'm the one taking care of her. Liz's dog is sort of an asshole so I don't walk her that much.

Liz is gone. I've worn the same enormous sweatshirt that doesn't even belong to me and is not even a little flattering every night since Sunday.

It's probably good that Liz travels so much so that I can regularly be reminded of why I don't live alone. I would be dirty and always faintly smell like curry. And you know that, at some point, I would completely stop wearing pants.  


Anonymous said...

All of these predictions are true. But making cookies with no pants is maybe my favourite thing to do on the weekend. With a bottle of wine.

Accidentally Me said...

A said...

You guys are my people. Let's have a pantsless party.

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