Monday, October 28, 2013

Observation

(Hey! Guess what? I'm alive! And feeling a lot better today.)

My parents made an appearance at Lucy's mom's Halloween party. They get invited every year and never go. Generally it's because there is some sort of family drama that my mother is attending to. But this year was quiet (basically because Emma was in Chicago) and we got my mom all dressed up as a cute little cowgirl and they joined in on the fun.

Mom called yesterday and, on account of my head being on the verge of exploding, I wasn't feeling very talkative. At the end of our brief chat, she throws in "so...Lucy and Chet. They're not doing well?"

WHAT.

I rewound through the night and couldn't remember anything remarkable about how Lucy and Chet were interacting so I asked for clarification. "Lucy didn't seem like her usual bubbly self."

They're not having the easiest time adjusting to having two kids, I told her, but I think they're okay other than that.

Or am I completely missing something?

My mom is ridiculously intuitive so her observation makes me nervous. It wouldn't be something that Lucy would bring up -- not if the problems were real, real and not just a silly annoyance -- so now I am going to be paranoid and worried and volunteering to babysit and awkwardly asking probing questions out of the blue.

Mom doesn't generally interact with Lucy when she's a little drunk (and herding two kids). I'm hoping it's that. Less unhappy. More buzzed. Which is the way things should be. 

4 comments:

Kari said...

By well did your mom mean as a couple or financially? Was it related to Lucy going back to work?

A said...

As a couple. Perhaps she was reading into it -- she hasn't seen them since I told her the story of their big ol' squabble over vacation. I'm not sure.

Lucy seems to be handling the job okay (she's not as busy there as she'd like) and she's more back at work because she feels like it will hurt her career to stay at home too long rather than because they need the income.

Life is crazy for them, no doubt. The boys, they're planning to move soon, etc. but I do think they're okay. I hope so.

Accidentally Me said...

I have to feel like you'd know if there was a serious problem. And OMG, Alyson, for the love of God, you can ask the girl!!!

But anyone who tells you that having two kids doesn't strain your relationship is a big, fat liar. There is just no way to avoid the fact that the two of you get less attention from each other than you did previously. In that sense, kids bring you together but they kind of force you apart as well.

That doesn't mean that they are not "doing well", though. Most healthy parental relationships do not require constant partner to partner validation. So, to someone who hasn't seen them and is used to them as non-parents of parents of a single kid, seeing them with two may seem strange...they may seem like they are not concerned with each other because they are each concerned with a different child.

But really, don't worry yourself over it. Just ask her. You can even tell her that your mother noticed, and that you have noticed how different they are since the second baby. She may change the subject, or she may articulate all of the reasons that it is so much harder than having one, or she may have something else to say.

But I have to feel like she will talk to you about it if she wants to.

A said...

Bwahahahaha. Leave it to you to point out what is obvious/what I am trying to avoid.

I'm not going to ask - not now - because I do think they're fine. Maybe not The Best Ever, because the two kid thing is obviously hard as hell, but I think they're fine. The only thing that makes me think that they're not fine was my mom's observation.

Mostly I'll use this as a reason to offer up a few nights of babysitting. Everybody wins!

 
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