Monday, October 21, 2013

A byproduct of running

Conveniently, I forgot how emotional these long races make me.

It's something about being this spent, this exhausted down to the core of my bones. It leaves me vulnerable to my own emotions. I have no check on how I'm feeling. I have no ability to understand my feelings in a larger context. I just feel. Really strongly.

And cry. A lot.

I get all blubbery during the race. Running a half-marathon takes me about two hours and holding back tears a minimum of five times. At the start. Immediately after I finish. When I see some adorable little kid holding a sign proclaiming that he is proud of his mom. And so on.

It doesn't stop at the finish line. For the 36 hours following the race -- which includes today, my friends -- I am sore physically and soft emotionally.

Pretty much anything could make me cry.

And pretty much everything has.

I nearly cried when trying to walk down the stairs this morning. And then I nearly cried when I tried to walk back up.

One of my dad's coworkers was at the half-marathon yesterday, cheering on his own daughter, and his sweet and sincere congratulations was so kind that I almost cried. 

As did every smile and "congratulations!" that came from a fellow mylar-blanket-and-race-medal wearing runner.

My eyes filled with tears when I called my parents to thank them for coming.

I almost lost it when feeding Baby L a bottle last night. Which immediately followed playing on the floor with Baby A when I almost started crying because:
a. my legs hurt so bad
b. he is turning out to be such a sweet and smart little boy
c. I am a junkie for Lucy's babies

The Coach's team has been on this tremendous upswing recently and, when I stopped to think about it, it was enough to bring me to tears. He puts so much into his job. I am tearfully proud that he's finally starting to see the results.

While being tearfully afraid that his success will mean that I get left behind.

I heard author Jamie Ford speak at a luncheon today. His talk included a story about meeting his wife in a library and proposing to her in a bookstore. My eyes flooded and it was a professional event and I hope nobody noticed.

I have a hockey game tomorrow, which means I have a long day, which means I'll be up late baking birthday cupcakes to drop off to my friend Maria on Wednesday morning, which means that it's reasonable to assume that I will be tired, the thought of which makes me want to cry.

So does the mere prospect of finding the time to throw together a Halloween costume.

And reading through this post before publishing it.

Which basically means that I'm even a mess about being a mess. Awesome.


my life is brilliant said...

I get emotional during & after long races too! I thought it was just me. Glad I'm in good company. :)

Nice job on he race too, by the way. Your time was awesome!

A said...

Thanks, girlie! Was happy/shocked, considering how unprepared I felt. I guess it goes to show that running consistently throughout the year gives you a little wiggle room.

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