Monday, September 09, 2013

Third Year's a Charm

I started writing this last week, before The M Word drop.

The M Word drop made for an amusing story. Whether or not it is indicative of a greater change in things between me and The Coach is yet to be seen. I hope that it is. I certainly hope that it is. Wouldn't it be amusing to point to a mildly dirty text message as our "I knew when" moment?

I must say, it would be awfully appropriate.

Appropriate in its inappropriateness.


His season just started and The Coach is...baaaaaaaasically just as annoyingly busy as I expected for him to be.

I haven't lost my mind about it yet.

I think that maybe I won't.

As I've mentioned, I just feel more secure. I feel remarkably more secure than I did in years past. Maybe I'm just a little more naive or maybe I just care less but? You know? We've done this twice before and I've worried myself sick and at the end of it both times he's there standing on my front porch. The same devilishly handsome man that he was when he left. 

And as I've also mentioned, I think that it's better because his actions have made it better. Whether it is because he is maintaining a better work-life balance or because he's been through this routine twice before or because he values me more than he used to or because his mom told him it was time for him to settle down, it's been easier on me because he's made it easier on me. It isn't all a change in my attitude and a reduction in my anxiety.

Maybe the stars have finally aligned and I have figured out how to do this and he has figured out how to do this and this is what it is and this is how it is going to work out.

Because this is what it is. This is how this works. It isn't the most fun but it isn't the worst and it doesn't make me nervous anymore because I don't let it. Because I've already done this twice and all the nervousness got me was down a few pants sizes.   

It's a little too soon to tell. But I'm hopeful. It really has been good.

And wouldn't it figure that we finally get this all ironed out just in time for him to take a new coaching position?

It isn't a certainty and he hasn't made any decisions and anything could happen over the course his team's long season, but I think that this could very well be his last year at this job.

And then we figure out all over again.


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