Sunday, September 22, 2013

My Big Little Sister and The Coach

I haven't really clarified where I am at when it comes to breaking the news to Meg about The Coach and, since I was asked about it, now seems like a really good time to address it.

Meg knows the minimum.

I had told Meg, three summers ago, that I'd gone out with The Coach a few times and that he was moving far away and I really never mentioned him to her again. Other than the occasional story of his that I'd pass along ("The Coach told me that..." whatever. Something sports related.") and that she could clearly do a minimum amount of social media investigating to see that we're still connected here there and everywhere, I left her in the dark.*

I love my sister and I consider our relationship very close but we just never really did that. Analyzing boys, I mean. I suppose maybe it's just me who has never really done that, to be honest. Even Lucy doesn't get anything all that juicy. I hold my cards close.

The Coach gave me the green light this summer.

She knows that The Coach is still in my life. She knows that The Coach is still living and coaching far away. She knows that it's complicated between us.

And basically she knows all of that stuff because it came up when we were out with a couple of girls from our soccer team. Not because I sat her down and summarized the last three years.

I suppose I will tell her more as more comes along. If more comes along. (Always superstitious.) Not text message mentions of marriage. Not silly things, not the silly things I blog about that make me feel crazy and make you guys think that I am. Real things. Big things. The Coach is moving back. Or The Coach is moving even farther away and I want to cry 10,000 tears. The Coach married a Vegas showgirl and has dropped out of my life entirely. The Coach did a Photoshop mock up of what he thinks our first child will look like. Big things.  

Until the big things, I'll just continue to keep it all on the down low like the weirdo that I am.

I suppose I'm still scared to broadcast it too loudly. If it all goes up in flames, I don't want to get burned.

*Unless she's been secretly reading my blog. Hi, Meggie! Love you!


Fabulously Always said...

Why does reading this makes me a bit sad for you. :(

Fingers crossed that it will work out with the Coach. In one way I admire your patience, because I am all for clarity and no complications, particularly when you start out. But who's to say that the opposite can't be just as good. I just feel that if someone is truly in your life than that person should share your life and be your date to weddings, to events, to family shit, be there whe you need them ect ect, visit each other and just be....but that is my expectation of a relationship and I know not everyone's matches mine.

Readyandfading said...

Sissy and I never spoke about boys in detail until she got married and tried to help me meet one! Now, we like to recall all of our bad dates and worse boyfriends and laugh, but this was years in the making.

As for the Coach, I am really routing for you. The entire situation is a bit unknown and I think you are very strong to be able to live through it and have realistic expectations. Life isn't a fairy tale, but in your case, I do hope that the coach is your prince!!!

A said...

Oh, you don't need to feel sad for me. (I mean, you can. All feelings allowed!)

This all happened between us when he was moving away and honestly I don't feel like it's realistic for it to be any more than it is right now. Would it be nice? Sure. But he's living thousands of miles away and this sort of is what it is. I don't get to have him around for weddings. It sucks. But it would suck more if he wasn't around at all.

We'll see what happens. If this crashes and burns in a big way, I am going to be pretty mad at myself. But I've learned a lot. So, if nothing else, I've gained that.

Fabulously Always said...

Ah.....That doesn't sound like he's your almost partner in crime then.Sounds less committed than i thought. In which case he doesn't need to be around for weddings and dates and what not. Anyway, you seem very strong and determined to ride this out. kudos and fingers crossed. It is always worth it. Either it will work out or you will have learned a lot to carry into a new relatonship some day.

Kari said...

I think based on my knowledge of other boys similar to the coach (3/4 of the boys I grew up with, who played in the juniors, were on hockey scholarships, etc), he is more committed than he is letting on. He has learned over time to pretend to be a player so that he is not teased, etc by teammates. However, he really doesn't like playing the field. He likely also doesn't think he is currently good enough for you, which is why he is hesitant to commit. He can't offer you everything (ie being in the same place at the same time), so he feels that he is not worthy. He thinks (or thought) he should give you the freedom to find someone "better". This is all purely speculation...but heck it's Monday:)
Anyhow, I have the feeling that the coach will be here for awhile.

A said...

LW: honestly, I probably paint the commitment level differently based on how I'm feeling about the whole thing. Some days are good. Some days are not. Our status feels as (logically close to) committed as we can be right now. We're not getting married tomorrow. Or next year.

Kari: thanks for sharing your vast knowledge of the type. You explain it better than I do. And you might even make me seem a little less crazy. And that, my friend, is the greatest gift of all.

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