Monday, June 17, 2013

What did you do today?

Here's what I did: quit my job.

It was weird, liberating, sad, overwhelming and exciting.

I had dreamed about resigning. For days. Really weird anxiety dreams where I accidentally resigned to the wrong person or otherwise botched the straightforward process that is telling your employer that you're going to work elsewhere.

When I got to work, the Director wasn't in and I instantly assumed that she was on vacation and wouldn't be in all week or maybe for two weeks and HOW AM I GOING TO RESIGN? (It's protocol here to resign with the Director instead of your actual supervisor.)

She was at lunch. Crisis averted! (As though speaking directly to the Director was the only way I could possibly resign and I would be forever held in indentured servitude if I did not follow the status quo.)

I marched into the Director's office and handed her my letter of resignation and basically blurted out "I'm here to resign."

She was a little surprised. And then when I told her where I was going to work and what I was going to do, she gushed "oh, you had to take it," like it was such a big opportunity that I couldn't possibly pass it up.

I didn't realize that I wanted that response and that approval, but it was exactly what I needed to hear. That this opportunity really was one that was just too good to resist. That I hadn't just talked myself into believing that I was making the right choice. That it really was.

My boss was gracious when I gave her the news. My coworkers have all been very sweet.

It's humbling to know how many people are cheering you on, who wish you well, who are excited to celebrate your successes.

It doesn't, however, cure the mildly queasy, anxious stomach that has hung on for a week now. I think it's just nerves but the hard part is over -- at least for a few weeks when I have to start actually getting shit done -- and last night I played such pathetic and laborious soccer it was like I had a refrigerator strapped to my back and also it would be cool if I wanted to eat and I really need to get over this.

Because it's all going to be fine.

After all, I made the right choice. I just had to take it.


k said...

I think it is totally normal to be nervous and a bit uneasy - you are going from the known to the unknown. But I am sure once you get settled in, all of that will go away.

Lauren said...

It's totally normal to feel that way! I keep thinking of what your grandma said in secret to someone else about you and not being "successful." This sounds like you climbing the ladder and getting your first big break into a position where you'll find that success.

Embrace it, I think once you get over your normal nervousness, this will turn out awesome for you!

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