Sunday, June 23, 2013

Dirty Laundry

As I have gotten older, I have lost my intensely private nature.

I used to be so terribly private. As a teenager and into my early 20s, I kept everything inside. Every crush, every fear, every accomplishment, every dream: I held them all like playing cards, right to my chest. Nobody was getting inside.

It's a wonder I had any friends, really. That's probably why my circle was so small. That's probably why I left college without having made a very, very best friend. What is the sense in a friendship where one party is intentionally closed off? Who would want to be friends with someone who won't let you see them?

While I didn't start blogging to fix my overbearing need for privacy, I do credit blogging for pushing me past it. For proving, yes, you can put all of your ugly out there and it won't scare everyone away.

That's a valuable lesson that took me way too long to learn.

Because, on Friday night, I appreciated being able to sit down to dinner with Lucy and Chet and throwing it all out on the table. First the foolish text message that came from my father that was the result of an even more foolish mistake. Then the gory details about my trip to the urgent care clinic. Followed by Lucy's detailed report from her last trip to the obstetrician. And Chet's happy confession that he ate both the one pound chocolate bar and jar of pickles that I bought him as a Father's Day one sitting.

I like that my friends know that I'm not perfect.

I like knowing that they aren't, either.

The Coach falls into the same category as Lucy and Chet. If I've got a good story, I'll tell him. Anything. Everything.

Except the one thing that I should.

The one thing that I haven't discussed and dissected with Lucy and Chet.

To make what I suspect he already knows abundantly clear.  

Maybe one day I will lose my ferocious need to protect my heart, too.


Paul Michael Peters said...

If not now, when? If not the Coach, then who? It is more brave to open one's self up than any other feat they could achieve.

Thank you for sharing this. I am always pulling for you.


A said...

I don't know, I honestly don't know. But thanks for being in my corner. A girl needs a proper cheering section. :)

my life is brilliant said...

I swear, you are such an amazing writer. Also, I agree with p2. Completely.

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