Sunday, May 12, 2013

Hurt feelings

At our Mother's Day dinner tonight, my cousin Danielle (who has had such a hard time since being hospitalized at the height of her manic episode earlier this year) and my grandma had a long conversation.

From what I overheard, it was about a lot of things. But one of the things, Danielle told me later, was about me.

My grandma suggested that Danielle and I get together and talk about how it feels to be less successful than our siblings. Because that, as she told Danielle, is "something Alyson struggles with, too."

My feelings are so hurt.

That isn't something that I struggle with. It isn't something I dwell on. I don't spend a lot of time thinking about my successes in comparison to Meg's successes. I just don't. It isn't like Meg didn't work hard for everything she has. It isn't like being jealous of Meg will do a damn thing to propel me forward.

My feelings aren't hurt because my grandma assumed that was how I feel. My feelings are hurt because that is obviously how she sees us: successful Meg and her underachieving sister.

That's what hurts.


k said...

Ugh, I am sorry. That makes me sad, because even though I am sure that Meg is awesome and is deserving of recognition, I think you have your shit together too.

I don't know how much your blog persona is like your real-life persona, and how accurate my perceptions are, but I wonder if you are a bit too humble in discussing your accomplishments with those around you? You have a masters degree, you have a job in your field (even if this isn't your forever job, you have a job that you are well-qualified for and that is very suitable for right now), you are a great friend and family member, you are creative, you spend your time doing things you love (soccer, hockey, travel), you have leadership roles in some of these things. Talk that shit up so your grandmother and everyone else realizes that you are just as overachieving as the best of them!

Accidentally Me said...

Are you sure your Grandma actually said that? Because frankly, that sounds a lot more like something Danielle added after the fact than something your Grandmother would have actually said to her...

And if she did say it, well, than I am sorry that she has such a limited means of measuring success (which I guess is, what, just having a smaller paycheck..?)

Her Preppiness said...

I am so sorry. I struggle with the same problem. My brother is younger and extremely successful. I am 54 live with my Mom (because my Dad died and she does not want to live alone) but I hear about it.

A said...

Aww. You guys. Thanks for making me feel a little better. Not what I wanted to hear, but what can you do? People get old and they'll say exactly what they're thinking. Hoping that was the worst of it.

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