Wednesday, January 23, 2013

I really just need more coffee


I feel like I am going to combust.

I forgot what this feels like.

This feels like my old job. 

Which feels a lot like someone is standing on my chest.

Coworker B, as I have mentioned, took a new position elsewhere. He’s expressed interest in hiring me at his new job (a flattering offer for him to make, even if nothing ever comes from it) and, after the last couple of days, I am ready to hide in the trunk of his car and creepily pop out when he pulls into the parking lot on his first day of work.

My boss is reassigning his work.

To me. Entirely to me.

I am not exaggerating for the sake of an amusing story. Honestly. Every responsibility that she has shuffled has fallen onto my lap. Admittedly, one coworker already has far too much going on and another is generally bitchy and useless, which leaves only me but THAT LEAVES ONLY ME.

My heart feels like it is going to explode.

I forgot what this was like. In the year and a half that I've been here, I've become accustomed to a very consistent level of stress. While there certainly is stress, it's expected stress and it's level stress. It does not get much higher or much lower than the median. It's nice, knowing what to expect.

Which wasn't the case at my old job, which was either very slow (no stress) or very hectic (high stress), based on what time it was in the athletic calendar year.

This spike in stress feels incredibly similar to how I felt at my old job. The pounding heart and the inability to prioritize anything because I'm trying to do everything. All at once.

It will all settle in around me. Assuming that I don't leave (Coworker B's offer is one that I will certainly look into, as I will a few other opportunities), I will acclimate. It's nothing that I can't handle. It's nothing that will leave me this breathless and overwhelmed in the long run.

It just seems like a lot. All at once. Piled upon a few very big (and very exciting) programs and projects that I'm already leading. Piled upon the increased responsibility to the public because, when one of us is gone, the rest of us have to cover.

And have I mentioned that I've cut down to one cup of coffee per day?

Now you know the real source of all of this angst and anxiety. A poorly-timed coffee cutback.

And the loss of my favorite coworker.

And a lot of extra work, I guess. 

2 comments:

k said...

Are they going to hire someone to replace him? Maybe you'll have someone as equally awesome!

Mummy Dearest said...

Don't forget the grass is always greener!!

 
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