Tuesday, December 18, 2012

On Christmas

I'm looking forward to Christmas. And it's been a long time since I have looked forward to Christmas.

Christmas 2009 was just after Aunt Marie died.
Christmas 2010 was in the midst of the mess my father made when he cheated on my mom.
Christmas 2011 was in the middle of The Coach's first visit home after taking a job 2,000+ miles away and I didn't quite know how to handle it, it was just after I had moved in with Liz and I was feeling like a loser and a failure for being 29 and having a roommate, and I felt poor.

Christmas 2012 feels like a holiday worth anticipating. Money doesn't feel so tight. The situation with The Coach doesn't feel so confusing. Shopping doesn't feel so stressful. Time doesn't feel so binding.

Emma is spending Christmas in New York with her sister and that helps immensely. Avoiding having to spend my entire holiday running interference between her rude behavior and the rest of our relatives feels like the difference, my friends. It feels like all the difference.

Having four days off for the holiday feels like the difference.

The Coach feels like the difference. His intense love for Christmas is one of his nerdiest and most endearing qualities. He sang me Christmas carols on Friday. He watched A Charlie Brown Christmas tonight. He told me all about his favorite versions of A Christmas Carol. He straightened the star on our tree. His enthusiasm for Christmas is catching and feels like all the difference.

I see Christmas on the calendar and I don't feel dread. I'm even letting myself get a little excited. It's a lot of things, but it's my attitude. I know in my heart that Christmas is going to be good this year and that feels like all the difference.


Accidentally Me said...

Well then a very Merry Christmas to you!!!

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