Friday, November 16, 2012

Changes, Anxiety

I interviewed for a new job this week. Today, I received an offer.

It's really exciting and it's really scary. I'm having a hard time with it, truthfully. I want to be so sure and so ready, but this is different from when I last switched jobs. I'm leaving a known for a unknown not because the unknown is what I went to school for but because...because...

I don't know.

I guess that's why this is hard.

There's nothing wrong with the job that I have now. I know that I like it enough. I know that I can do it. Maybe I'm a little bit bored, but I know my boss and my coworkers and I know what to expect.

At this new job, I just feel like it's all such a huge unknown. What my coworkers will be like. If I will get along with my supervisor. I can't even get a good comparison of my current benefits to my potential benefits because their union contact (as I am now, I would be part of a union) is up and they're in the midst of renegotiating.

I know this: I would be making almost 30% more. I would have to work 5 of every 6 Saturdays. I would be in a supervisory position, which would is experience that I'm currently lacking -- at least in the 'brary word. I would double my commute to work. I would get a lot more experience working with kids and teens, which is another area where my résumé is lacking. And sometimes -- and I'm so stuck on this -- I would be the only staff member in the building. A public building. And I can't shake off the bad feeling about this. 

For every good, there's a bad. Or at least an unknown.

I am literally crying about this because I seriously don't know what to do. It all looks good on the service but I have this bad feeling that I can't shake. I can't figure out if I'm just scared or if this is a gut feeling that I should listen to.

This is the absolute most awful feeling. Honestly. The worst. I wanted this to feel better. I wanted this to be easier. I wanted to be sure. And I'm so far from sure.


Accidentally Me said...

When do you need to tell them by? I'll have some thoughts, as you can imagine:-)

Heather said...

so i suppose it boils down to: what do you want?

you applied and interviewed for a reason. boredom? new challenges? do whatever reasons you went for the job still apply?

if so - take it.
if not - pass.

you have a job that you're comfortably ok with. you could probably use a few more challenges, outside of helping patrons print their bank statement. if you decline this one, you won't lose the one you have. so you can continue to play it safe like that.

or you can not. you could take it. beef up some areas of your resume you know are lacking. maybe you'll eventually get comfortable with the ideas causing you discomfort, like the being alone thing, or the saturday thing. maybe you won't. maybe you'll take it and regret it three months in and start looking for a new job. maybe you'll fall in love with it and be so deliriously happy that you never seek employment elsewhere again.

only you know for sure what you want to do. (deep down, you know.)

i think that if you don't think it's a perfect fit, then you should say no. if you don't think that you're at least 70% sure it's the right move - cons of the commute, saturdays, and aloneness included in your evaluation - and you're not at least 70% sure you'd jump out of bed before the alarm goes off because you're so eager to go to work, then you shouldn't do it.

my other job was comfortable. i knew everything. i was the expert and nothing threw me for a loop. i miss the people i worked with, and i miss some things about the job, but i knew it was time for me to leave because i dreaded every day. the balance of the scale between "miserable" and "excited for work" got dangerously imbalanced. changing roles (and companies) was uncomfortable. it still is. i hate being the new kid. i hate not knowing things. i hate that there's an entire industry i have to absorb and learn and think like, and i am so frustrated that i don't have this classification thing nailed down yet. but i wouldn't go back to my old job if you paid me triple my present salary and gave me a bmw. i have so many more learning paths open to me (customs specialist, customs broker, MIT grad program in logistics) that i could cry with happiness every time i think of all the things i can learn and do and places i can go. i didn't know any of those things until i was into the job.

but when i got that offer letter, i didn't know if i'd actually say yes. it took a lot of courage for me to change things when i was comfortable and established, but deep down, i knew i couldn't continue on the path i was on, because it was getting more and more stifling and boring and i was getting more and more bitter and miserable. i don't like miserable me.

i don't think you're miserable like i was, and i don't think this is something you HAVE to do. i think it's something you may need to do eventually, maybe now, maybe with another offer in the future.

but you can decline. it's ok if you do. you can accept and hate it too; that's ok as well.

A said...

I need to call them by early Monday afternoon. Decisions!

Anonymous said...

Why say to them that while you're very interested, you have a few questions and ask them what safety measures are in place for having you working alone in a public building. Is there a security guard at the entrance, is there a panic button so to speak to make direct contact with emergency services? What is in place IF something did happen.....

Maybe that will help you ease your mind.

k said...

I was thinking the same thing as the comment above. I made a little chart of your pluses and minuses and I think the pluses outweigh the minuses except for the security issue. It would be something worth talking about with them.

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