Saturday, November 17, 2012

90%

I spilled my guts to my coworker B today. It's one of the smartest decisions I have made lately.

He saw red flags where I see red flags.

And he said to me one of the nicest things that has ever been said to me.

"You can do better."

It hadn't occurred to me that I could do better. In turning down this opportunity, I assumed that I was settling for worse. Or maybe, if I am really fortunate, I would find an equivalent opportunity in an environment where I was more comfortable.

But not better. I never once thought that I could wait for something better.

To hear B say that meant a lot.

Right now, I am 90% sure that I will be turning this job down on Monday morning. I want it to be different. I want a better gut feeling. I want information -- reasonable, standard information -- so that I can make a good decision. And I don't want to beg for it and I don't want it to seem like it is odd that I would like to know how much time I would get for vacation and how much I would be paying out of pocket for healthcare.

I can't leave for an unknown. And I don't think I can work for someone who doesn't understand that.

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