Tuesday, July 17, 2012

...the fuck?

Seriously, you guys. I need you to be honest with me. Is this what this aging bullshit is all about?

I turn 30 in 77 days and if my downfall continues at this rapid pace, I'm going to have to invest in a freezer and have myself cryogenically frozen until science can stop this nonsense.

I am falling apart at a rapid pace.

Last week, it was headaches. Awful sinus headaches. And I lost two toenails. Then I completely forgot about a soccer game.

Now I have bruises on each of my legs that are the size of small kittens. (These bruises came from soccer, no doubt, but I've been playing soccer for a long time without the kitten bruising. It's not like my legs are not used to being kicked.) And my skin seems to have forgotten that I graduated from middle school 14 years ago.

On Sunday, my right eye became emo and started dripping one pathetic, lonely tear that would dramatically roll down my cheek every few minutes.

Yesterday, it morphed into a full-blown watery eye. Just one. If you stand on the right side of me, you might think that I'm having a nervous breakdown.

And today we're adding sneezing to the mix. Plus the sniffles. And a sore throat. So, I have allergies now? When you're 79 days from 30 you develop allergies?

I don't want allergies. What I want is all of my toenails. And for my legs to not look like I was in a battle with a baseball bat.    


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