Friday, May 18, 2012

They kept me this long

Today is my one year anniversary at my job.


I’ve been telling my coworkers that I’m going to turn into a completely new person at the completion of my first year. That I would immediately begin sharing all of my long-oppressed thoughts. That I would no longer be sweet or fun or funny. That I would dye my hair black and grow devil horns and spit fire.

Unsurprisingly, I came in this morning to find this in my email:


Oh, coworkers. They can make it or break it, can’t they? I work with good people. I don’t fit in with them – our relationships are nothing like the relationships I had in my old job (in ways that are both good and bad) – but they’re good people.

If my first day of work was one year ago, my return from Europe was one year ago yesterday.

I kind of love that I flew in from Europe on Tuesday night and started a new job on Wednesday morning.

I kind of loved that trip, too.

Maybe that’s why I’ve been a crabby bitch all week. Because, one year ago, I was in Italy and Switzerland and, this week, I’m frustrated and angry and in neither Switzerland nor Italy.

GIVE ME LIMONCELLO AND AUTHENTIC FONDUE.

(It’s therapeutic.)



I thought that, after a year here, I would feel more settled.


I wanted this job with everything that I had and, when I landed it, I expected to be a year in and feel like I was on the right track and doing the right thing and making the right moves and doing what I wanted to do and I feel absolutely none of that.

What I do feel is this: as though I’m never going to hit my stride. Like it’s always going to be this way.

As someone who always excelled at everything that was truly important to me – in school, with friendships, on the soccer field, with my family – I am astounded at how much I truly suck at being an adult.

2 comments:

Heather said...

the secret is that everyone sucks as being an adult. anyone who says they don't is lying to you.

Teagan B. Sawyer said...

You write exactly how I feel!

 
Blog Template by Delicious Design Studio