Friday, April 27, 2012

Seriously so gross

I am not crazy about Heather’s husband.

I haven’t been, ever. But I try not to make a big deal out of it. He’s not my husband. I don’t have to spend time with him often. It’s not worth caring about.

(Until he hurts Heather. And then? War, buddy.)

I went to Heather’s house after work yesterday. I would watch her baby for an hour while she ran an errand and, when she got home, we would have the dinner I brought along.

I didn’t know that Heather’s husband would be there. Sleeping.

(Not my business on how they divide the work around the house, but the baby is definitely two months old and he hasn’t yet fed her or changed a diaper or been alone with her. W-w-w-w-what?)

Anyway. Heather runs the errand. I snuggle with the baby. I bake up the macaroni and cheese. Heather comes home. And we’re sitting at the kitchen table, eating and gossiping and being girls.

Heather’s husband stumbles out of the bedroom. In his army green boxer briefs. And only his army green boxer briefs.

Which was disgusting enough.

He parades into the kitchen. He roots around in the cupboards. He parades out of the kitchen. He barely says a word to me, but he’s clearly just woken up and I’m not all that interested in talking to him anyway.

He comes back a few minutes later.

“I’m really glad that you didn’t park on my grass,” he says to me. I parked in front of the house, but I could see that he had put grass seed down, so I made sure to keep my tires on the street. “Heather’s mom parks on the grass. Her sister parks on the grass...”

I interrupt him with a smart ass comment about how I would hate to ruin his perfect lawn.

“If you parked on the grass, I would have had to punch you in the face,” he says, smirking. “Or I would have charged you a hand job.”

Seriously. That’s what he said. In front of his wife and his baby. Wearing nothing but a pair of boxer briefs. That he would have charged me a hand job.

And then he pinched my cheek.

He is fucking disgusting.


Anonymous said...

EW! What did Heather say? I hope she ripped him a new one!

A said...

Not a word. ...while I was there, anyway.

Anonymous said...

That makes me so sad. He is not acting like a normal husband with a newborn should act. She may just be too tired to see what's happening. But that was very demeaning to you and to her. She's a new mom. She doesn't need to hear that!! I'm sure it bothered her. Mental abuse is subtle and his actions indicate hes a jerk!

Anonymous said...

What a jerk. It's sad to think that their new baby has him as a role model.

Anonymous said...

What a douchebag!

Kari said...

Wow - he sure is special...

doahleigh said...

Wow that is just so gross. Ew ew ew.

Mrs. Architect said...

Wow. It breaks my heart that there are women without enough self respect to put up with men like that. And I know, because I used to be one.

Teagan B. Sawyer said...

This just breaks my heart :( It's such a difficult thing.

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