Monday, April 16, 2012

Check out my foolish teenage behavior

Who made out with Alexander on Saturday night? Who is clearly the dumbest person alive? That would be me, friends: The Girl Who Never Learns.

OMG. Seriously. I am so stupid.

Team party. End of the season bash. Alexander hosts it because Alexander just bought a house and Alexander’s mom wants her baaaaaaaaaaby (he's an only child) to show it off to her friends. (That’s how I read the situation, anyway.)

The whole team was at his house. The whole team and lots of spouses. We were watching NHL playoffs and eating tons of food and Alexander was taking people on tours of his house and I was successfully avoiding him and it was jolly.

Alexander’s mom says to me at one point “oh, you’ve probably seen the whole house, right?”

His mother. His mother knew that I had been in his house and did I mention that it was his mom?

I WANTED TO DIE.

But she (and the rest of the team) knew that I drove him home a couple of weeks ago so, yeah. I still died a little on the inside because I've been in that house without my pants on. Guilt. Whore guilt.

At some point, Alexander looks at me and his eyes lit up and he says “have I shown you the breezeway? Let me show you the breezeway.” And I follow him like a dumb robot. Then he’s like “the master bedroom is the only room upstairs. That’s how they built these old bungalows” and I follow him up the stairs because – because – because I have no idea why I did it.

I didn’t think that he’d be facetiously showing me his closet before grabbing me and kissing me, but that’s what he did and it takes my brain a second to click in and realize what was happening and I pulled away and was like “woah, wait a second. Inappropriate!” And I’m laughing and I’m shaking my head and Alexander is commenting about how it’s sort of hot that there’s a team party going on downstairs while we’re making out upstairs.

And then he kissed me again and then I pull away again and I’m just standing there looking at him. And he’s clearly so pleased with himself and then HIS MOM COMES UP THE STAIRS.

Telling him to come downstairs. The team wants to give you your present!

He tells his mom/my teammate that he’ll be down in a second. While I stand there. Thankfully nowhere near where Alexander was standing. But still clearly alone with him in his bedroom. Probably looking guilty as hell. Because I was.

Alexander caught me alone in a room once more that night. Same thing. Minus his mom.

The rest of the night, he stayed close by, talking just quietly enough so that only I could hear him. Telling me exactly why I should date him, not this other guy I had told him about (that other guy would be, of course, The Coach). Why he’s better. How long he’s had a thing for me. That the reason he hosted the team party was to get me back to his house and only to get me back to his house. How convenient it was that I had already met – and liked – his mother. How he decided to initiate our Canadian weekend together just for an excuse to be alone with me. How sexy and smart and awesome I am and how generally fantastic he is and how great we would be together.

Relentless. He was relentless.

I don’t know if I even believe him. I’m not sure if I have a reason to – he’s sort of been all talk up to this point – but being told you’re phenomenal isn’t the worst thing in the world.

When I left, I left with my arms full – my purse, my Crockpot, my cupcake carrier – Alexander’s dad (spouses were at the party, remember?) (so awkward) sees me and says to Alexander “help her carry that stuff” and REALLY? Now your dad is trying to get us alone together? Don’t even pretend like that wasn’t what was happening.

“He likes to live vicariously through me.”

So, if his dad picked up on what was going on, everybody at the party knew exactly what was happening between the young'uns, too. Fabulous.

To rectify the situation - or maybe to thank him for carrying my things? I obviously was not thinking at all at this point - I made out with him again before getting in my car.

Have I mentioned that I’m the dumbest person alive?

Here’s a mistake that I didn’t make, however: I didn’t go back to his house when he called me 20 minutes later and reported that all of the guests had left and so that I should definitely return. And I didn’t rearrange my entire Sunday so that I could hang out with him even though that’s what he wanted. For me to drop my plans for the whole day – my race, time with my cousins – and spend it with him.

That’s what I don’t get about him. He wants to see me. Supposedly. He tells me on Saturday night. He tells me early on Sunday morning when he wishes me good luck in my race. He makes it clear that his feelings are hurt when I won’t clear my Sunday to spend time with him. And then he doesn’t bother to respond to the text message I send him later. So, apparently this has to be all on his terms, convenient to his schedule and to his whims or not at all.

I swear that he doesn’t even remember that I exist until I’m standing in front of him. Or maybe he’s just fucking with me. Maybe this is just a game.

If it’s a game: fine. I played. It was fun. Harmlessly making out with someone you shouldn’t be making out with in a setting where you shouldn’t be making out with him? That’s fun. It was. I have no problem admitting that.

But now it's time to fold my hand. Game over.

The Coach comes home this week.

3 comments:

k said...

he probably wants you more bc he knows that he can't have you. you are not stupid. yay for the coach's return!

Kari said...

Enjoy the coach's return.

Mrs. Architect said...

Enjoy life!! You only get one shot at it!! There are no rules!

 
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