Tuesday, March 06, 2012

Premature

Insist that they check your thyroid levels. Insist that they check your blood glucose. Tell them that you have a family history of diabetes and hyperthyroidism.

I have a doctor’s appointment on Friday.

I have a doctor’s appointment on Friday because my mother insists. Because I’ve lost weight and she’s been worrying about it and she woke up in the middle of the night, startled awake by a single thought: that I need to have my thyroid checked.

My mom’s an advanced practice, college professor, fancy schmancy nurse type, so she’s not exactly pulling this out of her ass.

And I find that – her knowledge and her hunch – unsettling.


Insist that they check your thyroid levels. Insist that they check your blood glucose. Tell them that you have a family history of diabetes and hyperthyroidism.

But don’t freak out about it.


Oh, of course not. Freak out? Why would I freak out? Why would the mention of the disease that killed my aunt make me nervous?

I’m freaked out.

I don’t want to deal with this.

I don’t want to be sick.

If I am sick, I would rather just not know.

I can deal with a sprained ankle or a bout with the flu. I’ll take a virus in stride. But I can’t wrap my mind around a chronic disease. That’s not who I am. I am not a sick person. And I don’t want to go to a doctor and have her tell me differently.

Yes, I realize that it’s better to know.

Yes, this is all a little premature. This is me using my blog as a platform for my overreaction. This is me freaking out. Before I insist that my thyroid levels are checked. Before I insist that they take my blood glucose. Before I do anything. Before I know anything.

Before it makes any sense.

4 comments:

Accidentally Me said...

Well, I feel like you already told yourself this, but I am going to do it anyway:-P

Alyson, dear, relax...there is nothing you can do about this before Friday.

A said...

HAHAHA. Well, yes, of course I've told myself that but that doesn't mean that I wouldn't like to hear it from you, too!

I'm keeping this quiet with my friends and my family -- but I've got to get the crazy out somewhere!

Mrs. Architect said...

Girl, as active as you are and as much as you work out, no wonder you are losing weight! Your output is greater than your input!!

Teagan B. Sawyer said...

I agree with the above :)
But it's hard not to panic a little...I'm totally the same way.

 
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