Monday, March 12, 2012

Just like a bad breakup

The most difficult part of the end of my friendship with Colleen is that she keeps coming back. She keeps popping up. She’s never completely gone. And that makes it really hard to let that friendship go.

I mailed Colleen a birthday card. I called her on her birthday. Lucy did the same. Two weeks passed and we heard nothing.

So silly, I am, to think that she would acknowledge our thoughtfulness. So, so silly.

Finally, last week, she sent Lucy a text message.

Just a generic “what’s going on?” sort of a text message. The only one she’s sent to Lucy since visiting the day Baby A came home from the hospital. Eight weeks ago.

Lucy was pretty angry. Lucy didn’t feel like she had anything nice to say. Lucy didn’t respond.

On Saturday, Colleen called Lucy. Lucy didn’t answer and Colleen left a message – sheepishly – that went something like this:

“Oh, hey. I’m not sure if you got my text message earlier in the week? I was just wondering if maybe you wanted to, um, I have a dress fitting tomorrow afternoon? I wanted to know if you wanted to come.”


She can’t bother to be a friend to either of us but she’ll call to see if Lucy wants to go to her wedding dress fitting? She’ll call for what is essentially a favor?

I want to punch her in the face. I seriously and honestly want to punch her in the face.

It’s like the week of her dress fitting came around and she realized that she didn’t have any friends to bring with her to the fitting. And she’s so messed up that she didn’t realize that, because she hasn’t bothered to maintain any friendships, she isn’t going to have any friends at her dress fitting. Instead, she just called the person who I guarantee she still refers to as her best friend even though it’s been a year since they’ve engaged in any sort of a friend activity.

Things Colleen may have forgotten to mention when calling Lucy because she wanted something from her:
a. To thank Lucy for her birthday wishes
b. To be Lucy’s friend throughout her pregnancy
c. To be Lucy’s friend after she had her very first baby
d. To think of someone other than herself

Lucy called and bitched Colleen out – on my behalf – after my birthday. I am tempted to return the favor and call and bitch Colleen out – for Lucy.

Even though I don’t really know why I’d bother. Or why Lucy and I bother to care. It’s been an entire year of this. Nothing is changing. Bitching at her doesn’t change it. Ignoring her doesn’t change it. Major life events don’t change it.

She isn’t our friend any longer. I don’t know why it’s taking me so long to accept that. I don’t know why it’s taking Colleen so long to accept that.

We just need to be done. We both need to band together and decide to be done and actually be done.

Is there some sort of support group for ridding yourself of a toxic friend? If so, I've got you two new members.


Accidentally Me said...

It is always really sad to lose friendships...but it is a two way street, and if the other person isn't willing to be a friend, you can't do it by yourself.

I think you and Lucy should post to Craig's list for a new best friend:-) Have auditions!

Mrs. Architect said...

This reminds me of an article I read recently on cnn or msn about how a toxic friend is literally bad for your health.

I understand wanting to be the better person and help the mentally ill, but unless she helps herself, you can't do anything. :(

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