Monday, February 06, 2012

Things are weird

So, I kissed a boy who wasn’t The Coach yesterday.

It was pretty weird. And I feel pretty weird about it. The circumstances are weird. I’m sort of weird. Weirdness all around.

Of course this all happens now. The Coach is going to be back soon. I sucked it up and suffered through his whole damn season and I finally get a (very young) distraction and The Coach is going to be back in a hot flash. Not that I’m not excited for him to be home. Not that I’m saying that nothing is going to happen with Alexander in the meantime. Not that I know anything.

Here is what I do know: I don’t feel bad about this. I don’t feel guilty about this. Not about it in relation to The Coach. He left without a commitment. He left twice without a commitment. I’m not his girlfriend.

That isn’t to say that my wishy-washy status with The Coach means that this is not without complications. We have complications. Those being his brief involvement with Meg, that I am friends with his mother, his role on my hockey team, his age, my insanity, etc.

I’m just confused as to how this all came about. Where did this come from? How did this happen? I was expecting a touch of inappropriateness. I was expecting a small dose of flirtation. I didn’t expect this. A two-day marathon of togetherness? Nope. Didn’t cross my mind. I thought we would drive to Canada together on Saturday morning and that would be it. Alexander would spend the rest of the day with his mom. I would kill time drinking coffee and reading a book and watching Meg’s team play. Not doing tequila shots. I definitely did not anticipate any tequila shots.

Or the kiss. I was not expecting to kiss anyone this weekend.

I have no idea what’s going on in his head. It’s disconcerting. I don’t know if I’m just a fun conquest or if he’s just really used to getting the girl he wants exactly when he wants her or what, but Alexander is suddenly ALL ABOUT ME. Like, sent me a text this afternoon and wanted to come and see me at work this evening all about me. (For the record: I declined.) He didn’t even have my phone number until Friday. It’s all so fast and unexpected and, truthfully, I had so much fun with him this weekend but I don’t know that I can do this. I don’t know if I’m ready for this. I don’t know if I’m okay with this. I don’t know where the hell this is going or what the hell that I’m doing.

(He seems so cool and so sure about pursuing me and I am just a panicked mess, which is funny to me. Shouldn't I be the confident older woman and he be the insecure younger man?)

But at least it’s something different. Something to distract me. A feeling to feel that isn’t the standard: missing The Coach, which I do so regularly and so automatically that it feels like breathing.


Kari said...

I say have some fun!
Two of my work collegues have husbands who are younger than them and they are very happy. They said it was a little weird at first -- but once they got over it they've been fine with it (not saying that you have to marry him!). Also women live longer so it actually makes more sense to date/marry a younger man! Anyhow have some fun -- don't think too much and see where this goes. No crazy talk/overthinking -- just fun!

k said...

We are leading parallel lives... I don't feel guilty either.

Anonymous said...

That's great! I'm sure The Coach is doing the same out there in Coach-land. Have your fun!

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