Saturday, February 18, 2012

A little chat

We had words.

Alexander and I. We had words before my game on Thursday night.

I didn’t want to be the grownup. I didn’t want to initiate the conversation. I wanted to stare him down in the lobby and pout in the locker room.

With the words of an email pep talk from my favorite blogger/life counselor ringing in my ears and my hockey bag hanging over my shoulder, I started the conversation.

I told Alexander that I was feeling weird about what happened. That I didn’t think it was a good idea. That we could talk about it more, later, but that I just needed to tell him as much before we were around other people. Before it went from weird to really, really weird. Before the anxiety made my head explode.

He’s respectful of my worries. He gets credit for that. But it was nothing to him – last Sunday night, I mean – and he probably laughed at me as soon as I walked away. Laughed at me for making it a big deal. Laughing at me for being anything but breezy and cool. He can’t understand my apprehension. Likewise, I can’t wrap my (anxious) mind around how he can be so mellow. We have remarkably different temperaments.

But I don’t care. I don’t care that he thinks that I’m high strung. I am. I don’t care if it was nothing to him. It was something to me.

What I care about was that I put my words out there. And that he heard them. And that I got on the ice and turned away every shot from the other team.

I was fantastic.

After facing Alexander, having pucks shot at me just didn’t seem like that big of a deal.


Unknown said...

Woohoo, you're awesome! I hate initiating "talks" like that. I had to do a few last spring and this summer; they were SO difficult. But I felt better afterward. :)

LLandL said...

your guts are inspiration to me... i'm decidedly non-confrontational in awkward situations.

Teagan B. Sawyer said...

Seriously we may be twins separated at birth. The way you think and what you said is EXACTLY what I would feel like in this situation. Proud of you girl! xo

Accidentally Me said...

I am proud of you:-) Regardless of whether or not it is a big would have been ten time more awkward if you had waited to see him in a group of a bunch of people.

I still don't think it is something you need to feel anxious about...but until you two talked about it, even briefly, it was gonna be the proverbial 800 pound gorilla...

Maybe I should be a professional life counselor!

A said...

Yes, yes you should be a professional life counselor. My professional life counselor.

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