Monday, February 27, 2012

Bad decision, good result

I got stupid and got with Alexander and I wasn't proud of myself. But it didn't completely ruin my life.

I rarely allow myself to make poor choices, so please excuse my surprise. I made a bad decision. And it didn't ruin my life.

Not yet.

(I'll keep my fingers crossed for a little bit longer.)

And I will admit that good things sprouted from that bad choice, too. It broke the spell that The Coach had on me. It broke the spell and it has been awesome. Refreshing. Liberating.

It isn't that I don't care about The Coach. I do. I wouldn't even say that I care about him less. I care less acutely. And more realistically.

I needed that.

I needed to knock him down a few pegs.

I needed for things to feel like they did when we first started - when it didn't seem like such a big deal, when I could just let things happen. I needed to get back to that place. I didn't realize how badly I needed to get back to that place. But now that I'm here, I'm happier. I can breathe.

Isn't it just precious -- isn't it just so me -- for it to have taken so long to get here? He left in August. He'll be back in six weeks.

And then what?


k said...

I know what you mean. I feel similarly about my little fling with BMG - it put things with Anders into perspective. I'm hopeful (for both of us) that the future brings more clarity.

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