Tuesday, December 20, 2011

And it's hard to dance with the devil on your back

I danced it out.

I was nearly ready for work. I was in the kitchen, making a very, very late breakfast of oatmeal while packing up a lunch to drag along to the office.

Feeling more than a little sick about how fast and unceremoniously things had fallen apart with The Coach, there wasn't a crumb of food in the house that looked appealing.

The television was on; I needed the company of the background noise.

And I needed - although I didn't know it at the time - some Florence + the Machine in my life.

Which is what I got. Florence + the Machine performing "Shake It Out" on The View.

I danced in the kitchen. I shook it out. I danced it out. I brushed away the tears as they dropped on my cheeks.

I ruined my makeup. My sore back screamed at me. The builders working across the street owe me several dollars in tips. But at the end of that song, I could breathe. I had air in my lungs.

I was alive. And I felt alive. Drama with The Coach had buried me, again. The Coach consumes me. When his actions make me feel sad, I become the personification of sad. But I danced out of it. I wrung out my heart.

I danced.

I let it go.

In the evening, I initiated the start of a hard conversation. A conversation that we needed to have. A conversation that is not complete.

He responded appropriately to the beginnings of that long overdue talk. It could get better. It could stay bad.

Whatever happens won't consume me. Not this time. Not anymore.

I'll shake it off. I'll dance it off.

It’s always darkest before the dawn.


Kari said...

Glad you started the conversation! Whatever the outcome remember to keep the conversation going. You can do this!!!

Kim said...

Okay...first of all...dancing it out is totally the best thing ever. So ten million cool points for that.

And "Shake It Out" is my new anthem. I heard it again in the car this morning and thought about how much this song incorporates the things going on in my life right now and how amazing it is. Florence + the Machine...just amazing.

k said...

At some point last year I decided I was going to dance more. Alone in my room, to any some I was feeling at that particular moment. It only lasted a week (typical) but I think it is a great idea and one that I shall try and incorporate into my life again.

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