Friday, November 18, 2011

Seven years

This week marks seven years of blogging here at So Midwestern. I truly cannot believe that blogging has not yet run its course (although, admittedly, it is not the same) and that I am still here, typing away about every random-ass thing that happens to me, happens to interest me or happens to cross my mind.

Perhaps this blog is just a testament to how shallow I truly am. Seven years and still not bored by my favorite subject: myself.

One of the many aspects that I truly appreciate about putting seven years into this blog is that I have this neat little record of how I have changed.

Without my blog as a reference point, I would probably tell you that I haven’t changed much since graduating college. I haven’t experienced radical, significant, benchmark moments: becoming a homeowner, having a baby, moving to a different state, marriage, etc.

Except that I have. While I don’t have a diamond on my left ring finger and I’m not toting an infant around in balmy California weather, while my hair is still curly and strawberry blonde and I still wear my XO ring every day – I’m different in a lot of ways. A lot of good ways.

One of the best ways that I have changed, I was realizing just last night, is that I have learned to stand up for myself.

By nature, I am not an assertive person. I don’t like confrontation. I internalize. I smooth things over.

But sometime over the last seven years, I learned to stand up for myself. I learned to tell coworkers when they’ve stepped over the line in a way that is tactful, professional and assertive. I found it in myself to bitch out a cab driver in Africa. I learned to tell boys when their behavior is unacceptable. I mouthed off to a soccer referee so venomously that I was yellow carded. I maintained a voice – albeit often shaky and tearful – through last fall’s family drama.

And instead of always smoothing over problems – as is my first inclination to do – sometimes I’ll stir the pot if the pot needs stirring.

See: yesterday’s bitchy email from one of my hockey teammates.

(Basically, the situation was that our scorekeeper had fallen through – as had already happened a few times this season – and nobody was having any luck in finding a replacement. Not a big deal.)

I read it just after leaving an annoying staff meeting and my first reaction was to ignore her outburst, delete the email and talk shit about her to the rest of my teammates at the game that night.

But then I was like OH, HELL NO. YOU DO NOT TALK TO ME AND MY TEAMMATES THAT WAY. And I started furiously typing a response. Which I deleted. And proceeded to send a text to my closest friend on the team, begging her to talk me down from responding.

And then I responded anyway.

I have no tolerance for people who do not address others with respect. And I am so over keeping my mouth shut just to make the situation go away.

Seven years ago, I would not have sent that email.

Yesterday I did.

Change is good.


as Always said...

I love your blog. So much! What I love about your blog is that you use it to vent about what you are truly feeling about life.

Too many blogs are totally comprised of little happy nonsensical stories that the writer's co-worker or grandma could comfortably read. They remind me of Facebook status updates - edited & filtered for public consumption.

The blogs I really enjoy are the ones that dig around in the darker murkier "this is what my true motivation was and how I really felt when this happened" type ideas.

And you do such a great job writing about your self reflection with a little humor.

Just thought I'd drop you a line to tell you so. :)

Happy 7 years!

Sara said...

Happy happy 7!

Also, LOVED the response. Huzzah!

Kari said...

Happy 7! Love your email to the teammate! So proud of you!
Happy moving!

k said...

yay! happy 7th birthday. being 6-1/2 myself, I always laugh when I read other blogs talking about how they've been around sooo long (3 years). It amazing to think how much has changed and not changed in our blogging journeys.

I second what As Always said.

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