Monday, November 21, 2011


Guess what I did last night? Last night, which was my very first night as a tenant at Liz’s lovely house in her lovely, well-manicured neighborhood? I hit a parked car.


November sure has been kind to me.

I dropped by the house after work to pick up my soccer bag. I chatted with Liz and her friend, who were smoking on the front porch (sick) and then I hopped into my car – which is really my mom’s car, as mine is still at the body shop – backed out of the driveway and CRUNCH.

And that is how I killed a stranger’s tail light.

I wanted to throw a temper tantrum right there. That’s what I wanted to do. Instead, I marched over to the neighbor’s house (hey! I’m new to the neighborhood and I just broke your guest’s car!) and confessed to my idiocy and got on with it because if I was going to be a loser (and clearly I was), I could at least make it to my soccer game on time. (I did.)

Liz and her friend were really sweet about it and tried to tell me that it wasn’t my fault, which was kind and appreciated but not true. Obviously I hit the parked car with my car so, yeah. The blame falls to me.

Sure, there were factors working against me. It was one of those tiny pickup trucks that’s low to the ground and I couldn’t see the bed of it when I was backing up. Liz’s streets are unusually narrow and that was the first time I’d ever parked in the driveway. I’m used to my car, with the fancy beeping that alerts me when I’m about to plow into something. And the jackass did park his car in perfect alignment with the back of the driveway.

Still my fault.

Still the stupidest person alive.

20 days ago, I would have told you that I was a very good driver.

Time to reassess that belief.

Time to get my head out of my ass.

Time to figure out what the universe trying to tell me.

...other than to be a better driver.

But, seriously. It hasn’t even been three weeks from my accident. I don’t even have my car back from my accident. Can I do anything right?


Heather said...

you can. if it makes you feel any better, here's a list of my car mishaps, from present car to past:

. brushed too close to one of those metal bars that keeps you from hitting a gas pump (y'know, at the end of the island?). white scrape marks down the driver side.

. dropped a tree on the passenger side, have a crinkly dent by the antenna. (ok, Irene did this, not me, and i was very lucky because it fell next to the car and not ON it, but WTF.)

. t-boned the side of a volvo pulling out into traffic. always look both ways, multiple times.

. head-on collision.

. rear-end collision.

. another rear-end collision.

. sideswiped a stupid fucking jeep that was parked on a stupid fucking snowbank and gouged a line down the side of my car.

speeding tickets, parking tickets, warnings, moving violations, being pulled over when the cop was going the other way, when he had someone ELSE pulled over, when he was on road work duty...

these usually happen in threes (or so my experience goes). don't let my shitty november seep into yours, but also: VIGILANCE.

also, maybe you should offer the dude a sunlight lamp and some miracle-gro to speed up the growth of his truck from a seedling into a full-grown pickup.

Kari said...

November is almost over -- here's to a kick @ss December.

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