Thursday, September 29, 2011

Another season

My hockey season starts today.

It started 50 minutes ago, actually. When I was still at work.

I'm currently sitting at the rink. Cold. Waiting impatiently for my team to get off the damn ice. They have paperwork to sign in order to make us official.

In addition to being the goalie, I'm the paperwork girl.

I like hockey. I do. I like my teammates. I like the competition. The endorphins.

I'm the one and only goalie on my team.

That's what I don't like. Being a prisoner to my position. Always having to run my life by my hockey schedule.

I can't. I have a game.

I did that enough as a kid.

Every year for the past few years, I have started the season feeling uncertain that I even want to. I'm not sure the fun balances out the part where this feels like a job, an obligation.

A couple of good games and the feeling subsides.

A couple of bad one and it rages back.

Maybe it's winning that I truly love, not hockey. I'm not like my sister, Meg, who lives to play the game. Who played in college. Who coaches a youth team. Who never, never turns down a chance to skate.

I'm not like that.

But the season comes around and I don't have anything better to do - or so it seems, in the midst of summer when I commit - and so I play again. Mostly because I can't find a good reason not to.


Kim said...

Jealous! I always wanted to play hockey, but never could due to money situations. Now I have really weak ankles that don't allow me to skate.

I digress.

A said...

Oh, I bet you could! It's usually crappy skates that are the problem, not the ankles. (Unless, of course, they're really really bad.) You should try a learn to skate class!

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