Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Thinking about endings

I don’t know how to write this without sounding like I’m begging for attention.

Believe me when I tell you that I’m not.

This just happens to be what is stuck in my head. I don’t do well writing about alternative topics when I have a more pressing matter weighing on me. When I’m not writing about what’s on my mind, writing is painful. That’s why I’ve always assumed that writing a book would be an impossible task – I can’t force it.

I also ramble a lot when I’m trying to get to a point. Which is what I am doing now. Trying to get to a point.

Oh, look! Here it is. The point.

I’ve been having this weird, weird feeling about blogging.

Like maybe I shouldn’t be doing it anymore.

This feeling has grown gradually over the last few months. It started when I couldn’t write about The Coach – remember when he was around but I couldn’t find the words to tell you about him? When I wanted to keep him all to myself? – and then I got freaked out and pulled all of those posts (for, um, a grand total of 20 minutes) and now I find myself holding back just a little. Just enough that I feel like I’m not writing what I want to write and if I can’t write what I want to write – what’s at the tip of my fingers – perhaps I shouldn’t write at all. Or maybe I’m best off retreating away from the internet with a pen and a paper.

I can’t believe I’m even considering this.

I’ve been blogging for so long. So consistently. And it’s been so good for me. But I can’t shake this nagging feeling. That perhaps this has run its course. That maybe I’m telling stories that aren’t mine to tell. That I need to protect my love ones more and write less.

I don’t know where this is coming from.

I’m not doing anything. I’m not making any decisions. I’m just putting it out there because that’s what I do: I think about things and then I blog about the things that I think about.

I would miss it. I know that I would miss it.

I’m just not sure that’s enough of a reason.

7 comments:

Teagan B. Sawyer said...

Selfishly I will admit my heart sunk when I read this. I love reading your blog and I think your writing is fantastic. With that being said I guess the "responsible" thing to say would be to tell you to do what is right for you. Sigh...even if I would be bummed.
xo

Anonymous said...

Hi, I've been reading for a while now your blog. My two cents, whatever it's worth lol, is that you shouldn't stop blogging just because of the anonmymous commenter a few weeks ago. It's up to you and of course there are other options such as moving to a new site, or re-starting under a new blog. Just a few thoughts :-)

Kari said...

I would miss you if you stop blogging! It would be way too selfish of me to say "keep blogging". You will do what you need to do (and you will know what the right thing is for you, we can't tell you). Just hope if you do stop blogging you will still find an outlet for your writing....because you are a great writer!

Hugs

Dawn said...

Hi,

I've been reading your blog for quite a while and am not a big commentor. That being said, I have always enjoyed reading about your work, love, and soccer adventures and understand the need for privacy and protecting certain areas of your life. I think that that is the area most bloggers struggle with the most - where to draw the line and what to reveal. I know you are now more aware then ever that it is a hard line to draw - especially when it is the realness of your writing and experiences that drew us readers in. Wish you the best in whatever you decide and will be here for the daily read if you stay on and will miss you, but will be glad you're happy, if you decide to move on.

doahleigh said...

I've been thinking the same thing about myself a lot lately. Blogging is just not what it used to be. It makes me sad, I want to go back to the hey days, but instead I've been thinking about giving it up. I haven't yet, and maybe I won't at all, but I understand where you're coming from. Personally, I hope you don't stop though. I don't read too many 'local' bloggers, and I love your stuff, so I'd miss you.

k said...

please don't go. cuz i'd miss you. that is all. xoxo, k

A said...

Oh, you all are so great. This issue is still very much stuck in my head - I don't think I'll stop blogging, but I may make a little change to how I do it - we'll see. I'm going to mull over this for another day or two and post about it again.

To be continued! (Dramatic, right? Ha.)

 
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