Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Feel the burn

There are times when I sit down at my computer, intending to blog, and I am stuck for something to write about or something to say or something interesting from my past to reveal and, when it doesn’t come to me instantly, I get panicked and convince myself that I have exhausted myself as a subject. Blogged all there is to blog. Typed all there is to type.

Then something happens – a boy comes into my life, my mom pisses me off, I am particularly moved by a book that I have read – and I am temporarily relieved of the fear that I am all blogged out.

And then there are the other times, when blogging is effortless and the words come rushing out so quickly that my fingers can’t type quite fast enough.

This is one of those times. I just got all flushed, blushed, stammering embarrassed in front of one of my new coworkers and, oh my goodness, I can’t wait. I’ve never blogged about that before. About how ridiculously easy it is to embarrass me.

You wouldn’t know this because you read my words. The words that I proofread (uh, sometimes) and add and delete and rearrange. Not the words that come out of my mouth. The ones that you probably wouldn’t even be able to pay attention to because you would be looking at me, pretending to listen, all the while wondering why I am turning so red and if I am having a medical emergency.

So, in case we ever have the chance to meet (which would be so fun! Let’s do it! Bloggers weekend in the D?) I just wanted to let you know: I’m turning so red because that’s just what I do. And no need to call an ambulance. The fire on my face will put itself out.

If you look at me the wrong way, I will blush.

If you bring us something that I have done wrong or imperfectly or if you start a conversation on a topic that I am not confident in (but maybe should be), I will blush.

Stand me in front of a group, I will blush.

Get me in any situation in which my senses are heightened – a close call in the car, for example – and I will blush.

It isn’t a cute blush.

It is a fiery red, impossible to ignore, full body, humiliating, top-of-my-head-to-tips-of-my-toes blush. I am teetering on the edge of 30 and I have yet to outgrow it. Damnit.

One of my new coworkers – who is seriously nice and meant absolutely nothing by it – just came up to me and was like “hey, when you use the staff bathroom up here, do you turn off the light when you leave? Because we leave it on and I’ve been trying to figure out who turns if off and I mentioned it to Karen and she said it started when you started so I thought that maybe it was you?”

And I died a little on the inside. And admitted that, yes, I am the energy conserving fool who turns off the staff bathroom light which is apparently not what we do and – OMG, my face is so hot and I suspect that it is the same color as my hot pink shirt and GAH. Pile the embarrassed on top of the already embarrassed and I think I need to stick my face in a bowl of ice.

So, if you all would just keep that in mind when we meet, that would be great, because I guarantee that meeting a blog friend would be an occasion to make me flushed.

I promise not to wear red or pink so that you won’t be tempted to make comparisons if you’ll be so kind as to bring a spray bottle to spritz me with.


doahleigh said...

Blogger meetup in the D! I live near Lansing and I love visiting Detroit. Also, I turn red over just about everything, so we'll get along well.

Kari said...

I'm not a girl who easily turns red -- but my eyes are pretty expressive and when I get really nervous I forget to breath...seriously. I'm the girl who passed out in the senate when giving a speech. about fun (I was 15...)

A said...

YES! We can sit around and blush at each other. So fun! :)

OMG, Kari. You passed out?! That might be enough to stop me from complaining about the blushing.

Susan said...

I absolutely have this problem too! I even blush when answering the phone sometimes - even though the person on the line can't see me! Argh.

Anyway, I try and pass it off as suddenly being very hot. I don't think anyone buys that though. :)

Kari said...

Yep, I passed out. What's more embarassing is that when I worked in Ottawa, one of my coworkers was trying to make the students less nervous -- and said "Don't worry, you will do fine" and then went on to tell the story of how one year, there was a student who was so nervous she passed out. My eyes gave me away and the coworker said (in front of the students)..."Was that you?"....

k said...

I start talking really really fast when I am nervous. But given that I talk really fast when I am not nervous, that second really doesn't make much of a difference to most people.

And how random that they asked you about the light. I mean, I get that they might not do it, but weird to want to know who it is (since they can probably already guess it is you). When I am walking down the hall, I always turn off all the lights in the unused classrooms.

my life is brilliant said...

That's so funny ... and adorable.

I blushed the other night when I got busted burping. I was turning my head to the side and covering my mouth a little. My mouth was closed. I was turned toward TVs, and we were in a loud bar. But the guy across from me said, "Are you burping?" and suddenly my cheeks felt on fire.

A girl nearby asked if I was sexting my husband. Funny thing is, I was much more embarrassed by burping than I'd have been by sexting.

Thisisme said...

I'm a blusher. Even when there is no reason to blush. I hate it! UGH!!

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