Tuesday, June 07, 2011

Anchors

I am beginning to realize that this is the first time in my adult life that I haven’t felt completely anchored down by the stress of jobs and work and employment.

In college – the byproduct majoring in English and communication studies – there was always a little whisper reminding me of how hard finding a job would be. In the internship that I held for the first year after I graduated, I constantly counted down to the time when my internship would be over and I would be forced to find an honest to goodness real job. And when I got that real job, it didn’t take long for me to realize that it wasn’t the right one. Enrollment in grad school was accompanied by the knowledge that I would finish and need to find a job in my field. And then I graduated and I applied and interviewed and applied and interviewed and applied and interviewed and, while I had the part-time job (and the full-time job), it wasn’t enough so I continued to apply and interview and apply and interview.

On May 1, 2004, I stood at the Big House in my cap and gown (wearing my soccer sandals and my yoga pants underneath). On April 18, 2011, I accepted this job.

2543 days.

6 years, 11 months, 17 days.

And now – finally – I’m here. I reached my destination. I have the job.

I am anchorless.

It is intimidating. For nearly 7 years, my job search was my North Star.

I don't know what do do with myself. Go to work and settle in and be happy? Start plotting my professional advancement? Begin work towards a second master's degree? Is this the time when I'm supposed to become consumed with finding a husband and having babies? Should I attempt to write a book?

I accomplish goals. It's what I do. Sometimes my goals take 6 years, 11 months and 17 days to achieve. But they are achieved nonetheless.

I need a goal. I need a next step. I need a box to check or a status to achieve or a hurdle to jump.

And I need to figure out what the hell I'm supposed to do next.

3 comments:

LLandL said...

CONGRATS!

Honestly, it's an inspiration to know that you eventually got the right job- I wonder daily if that struggle will ever cease for me so that I can find something new to devote my time and energy/anxiety toward... I don't know, like actually saving money and buying a house someday.

k said...

Just enjoy it for awhile!

Kari said...

Enjoy it and slowly a plan will form. It might be planning a trip, buying a house, etc...trust me it will come with time. Remember you don't need to fill every second of every day.... :)

 
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