Sunday, November 21, 2010

Expecting the best holiday EVER

Guess who’s coming to Thanksgiving dinner?

My dad.

My mom – who is a saint – is having 25+ people over. Her side of my family. My dad’s side of my family. And, of course, my dad. Her cheatin’ husband.

It’s going to be an interesting holiday.

Tears have already been shed over the event, so I'm really expecting the best.

Before we hit Cheating, Round 2, the plan was for both sides of the family to come over. And then all of this happened (again) and it was all up in the air. My mom didn't want to have both sides of the family over if it meant that my dad wouldn't have anyone to spend Thanksgiving with. So, we were in limbo for a while. And then Mom and Dad started speaking again and, well, the Thanksgiving plans were resumed.

But first, Mom cleared my dad’s attendance with me and Meg.

I’m fine with it. I’ve seen my dad quite a few times. It is awkward and it feels necessary. Part of me wants to be a brat – pouting and swearing and generally awful – but I’m not. It wouldn’t solve anything. And I feel like acting like an asshole would only cause my mom more heartache. That's the last thing that I want to do.

Meg cleared our Thanksgiving guest, too. But, until yesterday, she hadn’t seen him in over three weeks. The four of us went to dinner with my grandparents. It was awful. Meg wouldn’t talk to my dad. My dad got all teary at the table.

We get back to the house and it doesn’t get any better. She is completely unwilling to talk to him. And I get that – I do. But the way that she was acting, ugh. Icy. Very, very cold.

And my mom ends up in tears. Because how can she have both sides of the family over if Meg and my dad can't even be civil? It will be awkward and awful for all of us. And what is she supposed to do about it - 5 days before Thanksgiving? Ask my dad's side of the family to have their own gathering so that he and Meg are separated?

It sucks.

It sucks because I want Meg to feel about this like I do. Tentative and hesitant but willing to give it a shot. To let our parents work through it (or not) on their own. Not tipping the scales in either direction.

But that isn't how Meg is. Meg is stubborn. Meg is pissed and stubborn and selfish. She's perfectly fine with hurting my mom, as long as she's hurting my dad in the process.

Meg is unable to see that she isn’t just punishing my dad when she acts like she did yesterday. She’s punishing herself. She’s punishing my mom. She’s punishing me.

Honestly, I don’t know how she can still be so angry. I respect that she’s pissed. I just don’t get it. I don’t know how she has the energy to maintain her level of bitterness. But she does. And she is. I have no control over it.

I hate her behavior.

And I understand it.


Anonymous said...

Ugh. I do get where Meg is coming from but as hard as it is and as much as it hurts the two of you, it hurts your mom a million times more. She needs your support more than anything. Maybe it would be good for Meg to have a discussion with your dad....something like, she can be civil for the sake of your mom but let him know she is still working through things so just because she's civil doesn't mean she's over it.

k said...

Does the rest of your family know about your dad's cheating? Regardless, yeah - tough situation!

I agree with the comment above, maybe Meg can tell your dad she is only pretending not to be upset with him for the sake of your mom and the rest of your family.

While I do miss my family at Thanksgiving, living across the country means no family drama and multiple meals as I visit several dinners for t-day!

my life is brilliant said...

Oh, man. I remember the last Christmas with my parents after they separated. For the record, they were definitely getting a divorce and needed the divorce. They hadn't been happy for a long time. Not quite the same situation, but definitely leading to awkwardness.

We were with my dad's side of the family. My mom had been incredibly selfish and dramatic through the ordeal, and everyone knew what was going on.

But the day went surprisingly well. Everyone sucked it up and was determined to make the day as normal and uneventful as possible. It was only awkward at first, until we all realized we were going to make the best of the situation.

I'll say some prayers that the day works the same for your family.

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