Monday, September 27, 2010

A-Z, instantly

I'm nearly 28 and sometimes I live in a complete fantasy world. Where I get an idea - that I want to write a book, that I'm going to marry David Beckham - and I instantly go for it.

Instantly.

There's no tucking that idea away. There's no reconsideration. I have the idea. And I want to execute. I want to execute now. I want to execute perfectly.

It's like I've been wired incorrectly. Like something in my head skips like a record. Skips the next verse. Goes to the chorus. Jumps to the end.

I can't just apply for a job. I have to apply for a job and dream about where I'm going to live and worry about how I'm going to find a soccer team and determine how long it would take me to drive home for Thanksgiving.

I can't just meet a boy. I can't just meet and boy and like him. I have to consider how well our names would sound together. I have to like him so much that when he disappoints me it tears me into two even though he's not my boyfriend and never was.

I can't just work out. I have to work out with a goal and feel guilty when I'm not focused on that goal and I need to keep a calendar about the goal and I need to buy special shoes to reach that goal.

I can't entertain an idea. I have to research it, instantly. I have to make an outline. I have to determine if it is feasible. I have to know how to get there.

I can't let things be. I am always meddling. Always planning. Always making a list. Always checking off of that list. Never satisfied. Never, never satisfied.

1 comments:

Thisisme said...

I was wondering this morning if anything was ever going to be good enough or if I would constantly struggle with every aspect of life and it's relationships. . .

There has to be a sense of letting go eventually.

Something has to give someday- right?

 
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