Friday, September 17, 2010

Dating

Aunt Marie’s husband – Uncle Bob – has a girlfriend.

Well, I don’t know if she’s his girlfriend. I don’t know how those in the 50+ age bracket label their relationships these days. All I know is that I called my dad a few days ago and the first thing he said to me was “I just got off of the phone with Emma. Her dad just told her that he has a girlfriend.”

...and I bit my tongue to keep myself from responding with “did you tell her that you have one, too?”

But this isn’t about my douchy father.

Well, it sort of is.

I would be a lot more rattled by learning that my uncle is dating if my immediate family hadn’t recently imploded. My sorrow bank is bursting at the seams; I cannot make any more deposits.

But I recognize what it is. I realize what it means. I hear it in my grandma’s voice. I look at the calendar and I see that it hasn’t yet been a year. I think that’s what we were all counting on. 365 days to get used to the idea that he’d let another woman into his life. And because it hasn’t been a year – and won’t be until mid-November – it is just shocking enough to be knocked breathless by the news.

4 comments:

Accidentally Me said...

I think this is great news...your Uncle isn't gonna get anything out of mourning forever. It is good that he has met someone that makes him happy and with whom he enjoys spending time. Mostly, though, it isn't an affront to your Aunt, and it doesn't mean that he misses her any less or loves her any less...just that he has found someone who can help to bring some of the joy back into his life that she brought:-)

You should be happy for him! Even if it feels a little weird:-)

Anonymous said...

I was just thinking about this sort of thing earlier in the week when I read the Liam Neelson had a girlfriend. My first thought was whoa, that was fast - but then I started thinking about how lonely one muct be after losing their partner. It only makes sense that they would want to seek someone out. I agree with the comment above, I don't think it takes away anything from his love for your aunt.

Anonymous said...

I agree with the above comments and my initial thought was companionship. It can't be easy. For any of you.

But can I just say your reaction to your dad made me laugh out loud. I know it's not funny but it's something I would have wanted to say too.

my life is brilliant said...

I'm with TTC: Your (non-)response was pretty dang good.

My reaction was the same as yours. I think the commenters before me thought about it more logically, probably, but I could see how it would be a shock.

When K's mom (who was the love of his dad's life) passed away, his dad eventually started kind of dating a a close family friend. For a long time, I wasn't sure what to call it -- were they dating, or was it just companionship? I think that situation was easier to handle because it made sense. She & her (also deceased) husband had double-dated with my FIL & MIL for years. They could talk about stories from 30 years ago. If you didn't know better, you'd think they'd been together for that long. In their situation, it was very clear that the spouse was the one for them. It was just nice that they had an understanding and found companionship with each other.

I don't know this situation, and I can understand how it would sting. Completely. I hope you all get to meet her eventually, and I hope it proves to be exactly what the previous commenters are saying. I think that'll make it easier for everyone.

 
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