Tuesday, September 07, 2010

And it continues

Excerpt from Meg's undressing of the other woman that I forgot in yesterday's post:
"I'm really sorry for hurting you and your sister," the woman said.

"You forgot my mom, BITCH."

I'm still a little in awe of how Meg went from not knowing there was a problem, to accusing my father, to forcing him to call the other woman, to verbally bitch slapping the woman all within an hour. It took me a week to get to the same point where she was after 45 minutes.

While I did focus a lot on what was said to the other party, please don't think that my dad hasn't heard his fair share from the two of us.

She forgot the part where Meg told her never to contact our father again:
Meg logged in to Dad's Facebook account and unfriended the woman. After all, she'd been quite clear that they were to cease all contact.

And then the other woman requested him as a friend today. Seriously. She got a message from Meg that started with "I told you not to contact my father again," ended with "stay away from my family" and had a few other choice words in between.

I would like to believe that this woman is reaching out to him and that it isn't being reciprocated, but I am not entirely sure. My dad's phone hasn't been out of his sight since this all went down on Saturday afternoon. He hasn't so much as taken it out of his pocket unless it is to use it. And I'm not really in the place to give him the benefit of the doubt. As a matter of fact, I'm far from it.

Meg is angry:
I hate seeing how this has hurt her. She's worshipped him for her entire life. Watching him fall from the pedestal she placed him on has been really, really hard. She's crying a lot. She can't concentrate on her schoolwork. She can't be civil with him. When she went to Mom and Dad's house today (we had Mom's birthday party! Joyous!), she only called him by his first name. She told him that she wouldn't hesitate to exclude him from her life.

Witnessing this is breaking my heart. Meg is so deeply wounded and I can't fix it.

I am confused:
Unlike Meg, I'm doing a decent job of pretending that this isn't happening. I can have a conversation with my father. I can, to some extent, be around him. I'm a little ashamed that I'm not more angry, that I don't have the venom spilling out of me that Meg does, but I think that part of the reason that I'm more subdued is that I've been dealing with this for a week longer than Meg has. And maybe another part of the reason is simply that I'm in a bit of denial. I'm not forcing my dad to have conversations. I'm not calling him out on anything. I feel like I'm letting Meg do all of the hard work and have the hard conversations. Why can't I ever have a spine? Why can't I be anything other than the backroom technical support?

My friends are holding us up:
Lucy and Colleen have really stepped up to the plate in the last few days. On Sunday morning, they met me at the dog park and took me to breakfast when we were through. When I told them about how badly Meg was taking it - and about how I was thinking about going to her apartment that night - they volunteered to come with me.

We spent our Sunday night in Meg's apartment, drinking it out and singing it out. After a stop at the grocery store - for tequila and junk food - we played UNO and SingStar and did shots and, of course, talked a bit about the situation at hand. It certainly solved nothing but, for a few hours, it was a distraction without avoidance. We all knew that it happened. We weren't trying to pretend that it wasn't an issue. We talked about it sometimes. And other times, we focused on our card games and finding a slice of lemon to chase down that shot of tequila.

It was a quiet show of support that I didn't even know I needed until I was getting it. They were there. Physically there. And that is all I needed.

What a waste:
This weekend was the first time since I returned home from South Africa - more than two months ago - that I had more than one consecutive day off of work.

Thanks for ruining it for me, Dad.


doahleigh said...

What have you guys decided or thought about telling your mom? Or making your dad tell your mom? I've never been able to figure out what should be done in that sort of situation, but it feels awkward that the three of you are dealing with a situation that so heavily affects your mom, and she's not involved.

I honestly can't say what I'd do though, so who knows. Still hoping everything somehow turns out ok for you all...

Anonymous said...

was wondering where/when/how your mom plays into all of this as well. it seems like your dad should man up & face the music with your mom & let you girls go back to being the children in this situation. what an ass.

Accidentally Me said...

OK...so I was away from the computer for a few days, and it seems like the whole world blew up out there. First of all, hugs and kisses all around, because I am sure you could use them!

Beyond that, I have oh so many thoughts. They aren't gonna fit into a blog comment, but I will get them to you via gchat soon. In the meantime, just keep breathing, and try to keep Meg from killing anyone;-)

my life is brilliant said...

Power to Meg for what she's doing. But you're right -- she's had different circumstances to deal with it. She learned about it from you. She wasn't alone with your dad when she found out. She had you to back her up, and she knew you'd been carrying it around, gathering info so you could really know what was going on, for a week.

You had time to process it. You had to keep it together so your mom wouldn't be suspicious. The roles just started that way, and that's how they're staying.

I think it's an older child type of thing to feel like you have to be the one to keep it together. I do it too. It's not bad.

I can't believe that terrible woman tried to friend your dad again. What a selfish, selfish bitch.

You can't fix what Meg is feeling because you didn't break it. It's affecting you too, this whole ordeal, and it'll take time for both of you to really handle this.

What you're saying reminds me a lot of when my parents separated and when I found out how (years earlier) my mom had cheated. I felt like I never really dealt with it. I didn't have time to fall apart, really. I'd imagine you're in the same boat. It doesn't mean you're OK with what's happening. You're just dealing with it differently.

I'm glad Lucy and Colleen have been there for you both. When just recently you were talking about how things had been iffy between the three of you ... To me, it's a nice reminder that God has a plan for everything.

Hopefully that's a comfort to you too.


Anonymous said...

Based upon what you write regarding being confused I feel like you aren't quite ready to blame your father. As you pointed out, your descriptions of Meg's actions focus on the woman, and not your father. Maybe it is just to hard to write it all out, even on this semi-anonymous platform - but I guess I just feel like, at some point you should feel angry at him and what he did. Anger is good sometimes. It doesn't have to mean you'll never forgive him, or hate him or anything - but it can be harmful to hold in your emotions.

Do you think your mom suspects anything? I can't imagine that you guys can act normal as this is all happening around you?

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