Monday, August 23, 2010

Traits

Snippet from a conversation with my mom: "I think that it was easier for me, I think, because I got married so young. I didn't have any expectations."

I'm not sure if what I have in mind can even be considered expectations but...I don't know. I wouldn't label myself as picky. I don't think that I'm unrealistic. I don't even know that I'm sure about what kind of guy I would be most compatible with. Or what my so-called deal breakers are. I'm not sure that I've dated enough to have any idea about, oh, pretty much anything.

There's this guy from soccer who clearly has a thing for me. It is really obvious and sweet and endearing and one day he might get the nerve up to ask me out and, at that time, I'll probably say yes unless I've shacked up with David Beckham.

I know just enough about this guy to be nervous. To be concerned with potential compatibility because - because why? Because he doesn't fit what is merely an idea of who I am supposed to end up with. A guess. Because I haven't dated enough to cross any trait off of my list.

I can't say that I cannot date guys who didn't go to college just because Colin and I didn't work out. I can't say that I cannot date guys who never played a sport just because of the failure that was The Groomsman and me. They were both just one. They could be the exception, they could be the rule. I need to throw myself out there and continue to sample the population. Prove my hypotheses to be true.

I just don't know how girls do it. How they throw so much energy and time and effort into dating. How they can keep brushing themselves off and fixing their makeup and putting themselves out there. Doesn't it sting? Can't you take time to lick your wounds?

I'm not sure if it is my expectations that are holding me back, Mom, so much as it is my instinct to protect myself.

Or maybe that is the expectation. That I'll get hurt.

And so I hold back.

3 comments:

Accidentally Me said...

Don't worry so much about the right or wrong type of traits you can and can't deal with...just focus on people. The rest will take care of itself!

If he makes you smile all the time and you are always happy to see him, then there is no need to worry about whether or not he fits a profile. Chances are, whatever the deal breakers are will be the things that make you not feel that way anyway.

Now, lets hear more about this soccer boy, please:-)

Anonymous said...

Hellooooo Soccer Boy!

You'll know what you want when you get it. :)

my life is brilliant said...

Totally agree with Accidentally Me.

I never dated much either. In fact, every guy I ever went on a date with, my grandparents know. (If my grandparents didn't know them before the date, we dated long enough that they met him.) And I never kissed a guy I hadn't gone on a date with. Every guy I went on a date with, I'd known at least a month before said date took place.

I knew the qualities I wanted in a guy. I just wasn't sure they all existed in one guy ... until I found K.

Just because you haven't dated around doesn't mean you can't realize a good thing when you've found it. If soccer boy excites you, go for it! At least we know he has awesome taste!

 
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