Friday, August 13, 2010

I haven't complained about work in a while

It’s been a while since I posted a work rant, mostly because, in the few years that I’ve been at this office, I haven’t had to deal with bullshit on a grand scale like I did when I was at my last location.

Also – I hear it is risky and unprofessional to blog about your job? Probably as risky and unprofessional as it is to blog about your annoyances with your family and how that boy who hurt your feelings deserves to have his legs broken.


I have a work rant.

First, let me introduce you to the players in our drama:
1. Charlie: my boss
2. Andy: company president
3. Mr. Vendor: a longtime vendor to the company, plus a personal friend to Andy and Charlie
4. Melissa: Andy’s assistant. A good work friend, but she definitely tows the company line. I genuinely like her but I don’t always trust her.

We start this tale with Mr. Vendor. He stops in on a regular basis. Sometimes it is to make (or attempt to make) a sale, sometimes it is because he can’t figure out how to open a document on his home PC (because I’m apparently his tech support?) and sometimes it is because he’s going to lunch with Andy and Charlie.

He’s very friendly when he comes in. He’s a nice man. And also a little creepy. Like how he tries to rub my shoulders. Or when he gives me a kiss on the cheek before I go. It’s always made me slightly uncomfortable, but I’ve never been ballsy enough to say anything. It has never really occurred to me to tell him to back off. I’m not sure why. I guess I don’t feel particularly empowered to.

So, he’s a creeper. A nice creeper. A harmless creeper, but a creeper nonetheless. In person (shoulder rubs, cheek kisses) and on the phone (when he will say inappropriate things like “oh, your voice is so sexy”).

He’s like this to Melissa, too, just on a smaller scale. She’s a little older than me. A little more buttoned up. She doesn’t talk to him on the phone as often as I do. I take the brunt of it, but she isn’t free from his creepin’ ways.

Everyone knows about this. Everyone knows that Mr. Vendor is a creeper. The head of HR (Andy’s sister – seriously) hides when he comes into the office. And my boss, Charlie, has asked me before if Mr. Vendor makes me uncomfortable. “Just let me know,” he has said. “I’ll take care of it.” But I’ve never asked him to follow up.

So, last Thursday, Mr. Vendor comes in for a bit. It was fine. He wasn’t too creepy. But he was sort of all up in the shit of an intern of ours, talking and talking and talking to her. You could tell that the poor girl was like “who the fuck is this old dude and why won’t he go away?”

When he leaves, he calls back a few minutes later to talk to the intern again. Except, when Melissa answers the general line, he just says “are you naked?”

Melissa is infuriated. And she also refuses to put him through to the intern.

So, she mentions this to our head of HR. Just as the company lawyer comes into the office for a meeting on an unrelated topic. The lawyer is immediately up in Andy’s shit. “This is a black and white issue. This cannot happen.”

And suddenly a light goes off in Andy’s head. A flashing light. Screaming LAWSUIT-LAWSUIT-LAWSUIT.

And it becomes the biggest deal in all of the fucking world.

So, last Friday, when I get to the office, I get pulled into a meeting with me and Charlie and Andy and Melissa. And Andy is clearly saying everything that the lawyer told him to say. Except for the time where he slips up and basically asked us if we encouraged the behavior.


Luckily, Melissa had on her bulldog persona that day and she sort of reamed Andy out for suggesting that. It was cool.

We go around and around and around on the issue. It ate up the entire day. Andy’s going to talk to him. Melissa is going to respond to the “sorry if I offended you yesterday” email that Mr. Vendor sent that morning.

Mr. Vendor didn’t answer Andy’s calls. But he emailed Melissa back, apologizing, and called later in the day. She gently bitched him out.

And, just when you’d think that he got the idea that his creepy ways weren’t going to join him at the office any more: the florist shows up. With bouquets for Melissa and me.

Because there is NOTHING that says “I understand that our relationship is purely professional and I will no longer treat you as though you are a piece of meat” like a bouquet of flowers.

I’m pretty sure that he didn’t get the message.

And it’s been a week and I know that Andy hasn’t had The Talk with him.

It’s just a lot of bullshit.


Kari said...

This is the best work story ever!

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