Sunday, July 04, 2010

Right where it hurts

The thing - good and bad - about family is that your family members know your vulnerabilities. They know where you're insecure. They know how to make you hurt.

Meg and my cousin Liz, also the youngest sister in her family, have this thing where they like to be bullies. To relentlessly tease someone (or everyone) in the family. Every time they're together. It's funny and it isn't.

Today, at our annual Meg's birthday/Independence Day celebration, Meg and Liz chose me as their target.

Oh, Alyson is so insecure about her social skills. Alyson is so uptight and aware and embarrassed of it. We'll call her the Fun Police all day long. That will be so funny!

Let me tell you, it was hilarious. It was so funny when Meg implied that the trip that I spent 18 months planning wasn't fun because she wasn't drunk 100% of the time. Or when she suggested that I cock blocked her every hour of the two weeks when we were in South Africa, when really I just wouldn't let her run off with some random kid from New Zealand. Once. One time. In two weeks. Once.

They were laughing and they were making fun and, oh, I don't even have the words to describe how quickly it cut to the middle of me. I'd been feeling so good about our trip, about how I planned it. About how well it all came together. And for Meg to imply that it wasn't because...because...because I was being ME? Because that is who I am?

I cried the whole way home.

I guess that's about right, though. The Fun Police can't take a little joke. The Fun Police takes everything so seriously.

The Fun Police is a little hurt.

Or maybe a lot.


Shelley said...

Youch. That's gotta sting. I had a good friend bully me when we were kids. She wouldn't do it if it was just hanging together but add a third person and they would gang up on me. Your sister and cousin are being juvinile. Pretty pathetic. I would be just as hurt if a friend complained about a trip that I had meticulously planned. Especially, is the person complainig didn't hardly contribute to the trip planning.

Anonymous said...

That was totally juvenile and uncalled for, especially in the setting that it was in. And I have to say from reading your blog from the beginning, I have never been a big fan of your sister (which is neither here nor there).

Buuut, if I can be totally, brutally honest, if you are anything in real life like you portray in your blog, you probably do come across as the "Fun Police".
You seem to be a very sweet, loving, caring person who would be totally exhausting to be around because of your neediness,up-tightness(is this even a real word?) and micro managing of everything possible. You write at length about how you are so tired of your old personality habits but never seem to change them. Maybe you can use this as a catalyst for change.

Most of the time when people make "jokes" like that, they are only half kidding, basically just being passive aggressive about their true feelings. Perhaps you should take this into consideration once the initial shock/sting of their words wears off.

I am totally aware of how harsh this sounds, and I really don't want it to come off mean, but I wanted to present another side before you get fifty million "don't worry, you're perfect" comments.

Hopefully you won't think I'm a troll. I'm just a long time reader that wants to see you live the happy life you deserve.

Anonymous said...

I think fifty million is a little extreme as is your comment, Anonymous.

Whether you're the fun police or not, that's a little rude that your sister and cousin do that. I don't think not allowing your sister to go off with strange guys in ANOTHER COUNTRY is considered no fun as much as it's considered SMART.

I can say if it was my sibling, I'd being saying something to him.

No one is perfect, but there is nothing wrong with being who you are.

Passive aggressive people piss me off. If you have something to say, say it. If you don't have the balls to say it, then I don't need to take your "hints".

Kari said...

You are not the fun police -- you are let's make sure everyone gets home safely police. Your sis and cousin have some growing up to do. I have traveled a lot and what you did was the sensible thing to do -- I have met many women (or girls) traveling who have done what your sister wanted to do and deeply regretted it (some were robbed, some were beaten, some got an STI, etc).
You should really try traveling by yourself (at least once)...I suspect you are a lot like me and feel you need to take care of everyone -- but when you take a trip by yourself -- it is refreshing to realize that you only need to take care of you!
Don't fret over their teasing, you are who you are and that is a wonderful person.


Anonymous said...

LOL well obviously fifty million is an exaggeration. It's a blog, not the World Cup.

Of course it was extremely rude and mean-spirited for her sister and cousin to attack her like that, as I stated in my above comment. I am in no way defending their actions, I'm just saying that they chose some recent specifics to express their overall true feelings. And she should absolutely tell them how they made her feel...but she won't.

It would be one thing if Alyson seemed completely content with herself, but she doesn't. She constantly talks about how she wishes she could be more aggressive, less worrisome, more spontaneous, less socially inept, and a myriad of other things pertaining to dealing with the way she lives her life.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being who you are if you enjoy and embrace it, but if you dislike it, sometimes finding out that others close to you feel the same is just the push needed for you to make some changes that put you on the path to fulfillment.

These feelings and situations will continue to resurrect themselves until something changes. They've been going on since the beginning (of the blog in 2004, and I'm assuming of her life since she speaks about her past experiences), and they will not stop if she doesn't stop them.

I thought long and hard about posting before because I didn't want to upset her too much, or cause comment drama, but honestly I feel like nobody in her social world is telling her the truth.

It's all sugar-coated, which I personally usually causes the real emotions to manifest in so many other ways. Less calls, invites, snide comments, dating brush-offs, rolled eyes, and unexplainable friend distances are all more hurtful than having someone express themselves to you one good time because you don't know where it's coming from.

Anyways, this is much longer than I ever intended. Perhaps I should have just said "be the change you want to see" and hoped she interpreted it the way I meant it.

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