Wednesday, July 14, 2010

It's not easy being an ice princess

I think I might need to quit skating for a while.

Just typing that makes me cringe. Quit and skating should never be put in a sentence together.

Still. I skated today. And all I could think about was how frustrating it had become. I'm just not sure skating does for me what I once did. And it's so expensive. And...maybe it is time for a break.

To be a skater, you have to put in a lot of time. I don't have a lot of time. And, as a result, the time that I do spend skating is spent maintaining. Keeping the skills that I do have instead of building upon them and learning something new. That frustrates me. Because I want to be better. I want to improve. And my life - every over scheduled minute of it - keeps me from doing that.

For the past two years, I've skated once a week. Which is probably a third of the time that I should be putting into skating. And, even though it is a pitifully small amount, it is still costing me a good bit of money. $15/hour just to be on the ice. Another $70/hour in coaching fees. It adds up really, really fast. And I feel like I'm writing these checks for nothing. To stay the same! To do the same things over and over and over and over. Just so that I don't forget. Just so that, one day, when I'm able to skate more, I don't have to start over again.

At my core, I'm still a skater. I still enjoy it. But my schedule right now - the two jobs and what not - is in the way. I can't skate as much as I want. I can't improve like I want. And it isn't fun. Not to mention how silly it is that I get on the ice and I keep checking the clock. Counting down the minutes until I can get off of the ice. Until I can stop being annoyed at myself and annoyed that my life can't make skating a priority.

So, part of me is thinking of hanging 'em up for a little while. Thinking that the money that I spend skating can be better spent elsewhere. That the time I spend skating could be spent doing something that doesn't annoy me. That I can revisit the sport when all of the stars align and I can devote the time it requires and actually enjoy the challenge.

But I'm scared that, once I stop, I won't start again.

And I hate the idea of my job(s) dictating a hobby that I once loved. It's so adult and responsible to let The Man get in the way of my enjoyment. I already give working 60 hours of my week. Do I have to give it my skating, too?

I hate being an adult.


Lauren said...

The money spent on skating could be spent towards your next international vacation! India here you come!

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